Many gay Asians have a problematic addiction to potatoes, aka white guys. I was there myself. For years, I always pictured the “ideal guy” for me to be a dashingly handsome white guy with the perfect features – blue eyes, sandy hair, and a bit taller than me.
Lucky for me, I woke up in time to smell the coffee. Many of my fellow gay Asians aren’t so fortunate. They stick to their proverbial guns and hang to the pipe dream of landing a white male model, even when they’re years past their dating prime.
How do you tell from a distance whether two guys are a gay couple or just simply bros? By the way they look, of course!
Gay couples, over time, have a tendency to harmonize and look like each other. The adopt the same hair style, glasses-frame style, same shirt, same shoes – you’d almost mistake them for twins, except that when you look closely, they’re not biological twins.
This phenomenon is especially prevalent among Caucasian gay couples, but it also happens in other races and in biracial couples.
Why this happens is a bit of a mystery. Part of the issue comes down to selection bias – when you’re a gay man, there’s a tendency to look for a mate who matches your image of beauty, and at the same time, a desire to look like that image of beauty. In other words, you pick a mate who looks like you because that’s what you’re attracted to.
But over time, there’s something else at work too – the tendency to influence each other and develop a taste for certain kinds of style together. Yours truly and his boyfriend often share the same tastes, although we actively avoid buying the same shirt (sometimes even the same brand of shirt) precisely to avoid the harmonization phenomena.
Whatever the reason for this, I’d love to see us gay men, being the creative types we are, try to avoid this homogenization of our style, and focus instead on being ourselves. Of course, peer pressure is a powerful force, and the one peer whose opinion matters most is, well, our partner.