Many gay Asians have a problematic addiction to potatoes, aka white guys. I was there myself. For years, I always pictured the “ideal guy” for me to be a dashingly handsome white guy with the perfect features – blue eyes, sandy hair, and a bit taller than me.
Lucky for me, I woke up in time to smell the coffee. Many of my fellow gay Asians aren’t so fortunate. They stick to their proverbial guns and hang to the pipe dream of landing a white male model, even when they’re years past their dating prime.
If you’re a potato queen, I have news for you. You need to get over your addiction to white guys ASAP. Here’s why:
1. You need white guys more than they need you
For every white guy who’s open to dating an Asian, there are no fewer than 3 Asians fighting for his attention.
White guys are the least willing of all the races to date outside their own racial group, and when they do, there’s plenty of competition for them.
Don’t believe me? The folks over at OkCupid, one of the biggest free dating sites, collect statistics on this stuff. The picture isn’t rosy…
- White guys are almost 4 times as likely as Asians to say they strongly prefer to date someone of their own race (43% vs 12%)
- White guys only reply to Asians 35% of the time when they make contact, whereas Asians respond 55% of the time to white guys
See the disparity? There’s a much bigger potential pool of Asians seeking white guys, which means it’s a white guy’s market. Actually, going strictly by reply rates (read the chart vertically downwards), white men are the biggest snobs on OkCupid, with the lowest reply rates of anyone.
And even if you get lucky…
2. You’ll eventually get dumped for a younger, cuter Asian
White people invented the concept of leasing a car and trading it in when it’s old, and they’ve carried that concept over to their dating lives too.
97% of the time when you see an East-West (Asian-White) couple, it’s an older white guy with a substantially younger Asian. Because there are many more Asians seeking white guys than vice versa, white guys have plenty of choice, while potato-seeking Asians have to settle for whatever they can get. Usually, it’s an older, often chubbier white guy who, for all his shortcomings, is, well, white.
Years down the road when you’re getting a bit long in the tooth, you can expect to be traded in for a younger, hotter Asian model, and there will be plenty of those to choose from.
3. Rice queens don’t care about you as an individual
Although your average white guy is a poor dating choice for all the reasons above, you should be extra suspicious of rice queens.
A rice queen is a special variety of white guy that primarily (or exclusively) dates Asians. You may think that you’ve hit pay dirt when you land a rice queen, but you should beware – they only like you because you’re Asian.
White guys become rice queens because they like smooth skin, smaller bodies and what they perceive as more submissive personalities of Asian guys. When a rice queen sees you, he notices only those features he’s attracted to, not necessarily your other qualities.
At some point down the road, your rice queen will find an even better Asian who embodies even more of the qualities he likes, and you might end up sitting on the curb on garbage day.
4. Potatoes age faster
White guys age faster than us Asians, at least on the surface. Caucasian skin tends to be thinner and looser, and more susceptible to wrinkling at an earlier age. White men also gain a considerable amount of weight sometime after their early 20s, and that weight gain continues steadily until middle age, at which time it’s pretty rare to find a white guy who doesn’t have a visible beer gut.
What this means is that your 25-year-old Abercrombie model will see his looks depreciate considerably by age 35, and will almost certainly wind up in the visual bargain bin by age 45. How often do you hear people saying to white guys “OMG you’re 38?? You look 10 years younger!” And yet it happens all the time to Asians.
5. You will end up old and lonely
For all the reasons above, you’re unlikely to land the white guy of your dreams. And even if you luck out, it may be short lived.
A disproportionate number of my old, lonely gay friends are Asians and the one thing they share in common is a strong preference to date exclusively white guys. Year after year as they age they become even less attractive to the white guys who, as we’ve seen, have plenty of younger, cuter Asians to choose from.
If gay Asians want to do themselves a favor, they might consider being more open-minded to dating any other race besides white men, perhaps even giving other Asians a chance. It’s probably not a good idea to base a relationship on superficial physical criteria like skin, hair or eye color, which narrows down your choice of partners. Yes, physical attraction is difficult to consciously change but everyone’s looks fade over time and physical attraction is only a small part of successful long term relationships. At least, that’s been my experience.
I would bet $1000 the Angry Asian Homo that wrote this article would jump on a handsome white guy that wanted him in a jack split second.
Now, for a deeper analysis:
The problems he encountered may have been caused by the type of white bread he chased. It never ceased to amaze me, as I observed for a long time, Asians drooling over ugly pasty white blonds with plain drab faces and even drabber personalities.
Hot white gay masculine guys would not give those types of blondes a second look, but Asians craved them. There seems to be a weird mystique in other parts of the world where everybody has black hair that blonds are superior or special.
Trust me, they’re not.
As a very masculine dark haired total top man, I have had hundreds of blondes chase me all my life. Most are very boring.
If I were an Englishman I’d say, “Poppycock!” to the belief that blondes are the best lovers. But, thankfully, I’m not an Englishman.
If you Asians would try a handsome dark-haired truly masculine Caucasian from somewhere other than Northwestern Europe (by descent) you might get a pleasant surprise. Not only are we hung better, we are experts at making love, unlike those boring blondes you seem to adore. And, we have lots of manly fur on our manly bodies.
We also know how to treat our boys better. We have deeper passions and are not shallow like airhead blondes are famous for being—-be they male or female.
So, Asians, take my advice. Give up the bleach desire and try a real man for once. You will find they appreciate you more, make much better love, and can inflame your passions like no pasty boring blonde every could.
I’m in California, and we have HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of Asian boys here. Many are with chubby or ugly blondes or want to be. How sad. Wake up boys and smell the roses. There are better white men out there.
Signed,
Hot Extra-Handsome Fur Daddy
OMG. You’re just as bad as the original poster. Who made you a God and self proclaimed good looking person? You sound like an egomaniac. Just because someone finds you attractive, doesn’t mean others will. To make nasty comments about other white guys with “plain drab faces”. You are an insult to the Caucasian race and a snob. Looks are in the eye of the beholder. I’m quite sure “hundreds” of blonde men haven’t been after you. Give us all a break. Your post was one of the most superficial I have ever read and you should be ashamed of yourself judging people on their looks. It’s your opinion and only your opinion. You are so superficial and I would be willing to bet you will never have a solid relationship based on anything but how someone looks. Sick.
Seth,
I live in LA myself and egotistical aptitude is an upbringing with white men here and its very disappointing. I am Asian myself, I have dealt with men like them commonly but all you need to do is ignore it. It doesn’t stop me from liking white men because genuine men with good personalities doesn’t derive on one stereotypical generalization of them. There’s alot of ignorant baboons born every second but there’s also others that’s brought for the greater good.
I agree with everything you said! But um… is it bad that his comment turned me on lol >_>
Hi,Fur
I am in California
The stereotyping of white males here is particularly offensive…
as for okcupid, statistics can be used to prove anything. Im sure the majority of its users are white and thus the people on it are looking for white
I don’t even have energy to say everything anymore I’m just so sick of life and the complicated crap it puts us through. I read so many articles like this because I keep trying to look for an answer, a solution to stop liking white guys but it’s just never gona happen. You can’t change who you’re attracted to remember? It’s too late. I already know the reason why (media/ubringing/etc.) so once we’re older it’s too late you already have a biased preference and there’s not much you can do about it.
Anyway, whatever I just want to die most of the time. Not only cause of this effing issue but because of the million bajillion problems life has thrown on me despite me being a good person. Like wtf did I do to deserve this God? Oh wait, he doesn’t exist cause I have tried reaching out to him many times and nope, not a sign to be seen. Just somebody kill me then, I’m too weak to kill myself.
Hopeless Romantic,
I was really heartbroken to read your comment. It seems that you have been thrown for a loop for sometime. I pray (and yes I believe in God & he hears) that you will take some time to just “catch your breath” and stand still for a monent. You are very special to someone, but you need to realize that you must be special to “self” first. I can only suggest that you take some much needed time for yourself to get over the hardships you have suffered so far. Take the time to treat you how you would like someone else to treat you. I can see from your post that you have a loving & caring heart, so why don’t you put some of that live that you have in you towards yourself for awhile & then look for a relationship later. Some of the hardships you may have experienced also happens to heterosexuals as well. After my divorce 4 years ago, I decided to remain single & celibate because I refused to enter another relationship with the baggage & garbage from my “marriage”. Even though I have dated outside of my race, I married a black man who fathered my children. I have 4 children, all of whom I have taught that I don’t care what race they date or marry just as long as they love & respect you a well as trust & believe God. My oldest daughter married a white guy. My eldest son only dates white girls. My youngest son prefer Latino girls. The youngest daughter, well she better not have a boyfriend/girlfriend cause she’s 14. (Sorry I’m old fashioned when it comes to the dating age). I have raised my children in mixed raced schools, neighborhood, & church, because I want them to value everyone for who they are (race, culture, sexual & religious preferences). That’s the only way I feel I can raise my children to be human. I also have taught them that they must love who they are before someone else could. Regardless of what you may have experienced remember you are lovable & special. Take whatever you can from the experience as a lesson, all that doesn’t make you a better & stronger person throw it away & move on. Stop saying ugly things like killing yourself. Do you have any idea of the people you would hurt if you did so? You would leave behind hurt friends & family members. So treat yourself better & remember you are a sweetheart & some one loves you. (Sorry guys for the extremely long reply but I couldn’t pass this one by & this also goes for the young man earlier that mentioned that he was cutting himself.) Love you angels & great big bear hugs from a mom.
Having read this article again, and many of the comments, we honestly fell over laughing. There isn’t enough time or space to address the litany of stereotypes here.
We are a mixed couple White American, and Malaysian Chinese, we have been together for nearly ten years and married for 4 yrs. Neither of us were looking for a White Guy or an Asian Guy we just happened to find each other. We didn’t date a race, and we didn’t marry a race, we married each other. And for the record, the White Guy is the younger of the two us, (by 2.5 yrs so not much) . To assume that one of us is going to go looking for a “newer model” says far more about your expectations from relationships than it does about White guys or Asian guys.
Before we met we both dated and had serious relationships with guys of our own race. To assume that every White Guy with an Asian partner is an older Rice Queen, or that every Asian Guy with a White Partner, has race identity issues, is not only false, but just makes you look incredibly bitter…
Are there gay men who date based primarily on race? Of course, just like there are straight men and women who do. We notice you don’t mention or have any problem with “sticky rice” (Asian men who discriminate against non-Asians) Or Asian men who discriminate against guys who they feel are not “truly Asian”. We know Asian guys who say they would never date a Filipino because they are “not truly Asian”.
Perhaps you should limit choosing by color to picking out clothes and instead focus on the person instead.
Still a lively discussion generated by your post, thanks for that
Eric & Dave
London, UK
Totally utter bullsh*t. There are many posts like this on the Internet. The authors are almost always asians who are attracted to other asians, but are having trouble finding asian guys who are interested in them. So they wrote these posts (sometimes bitter) and judge others’ preferences. Despite all the nice things said on the Internet like “it’s all about personality” or “down earth and don’t be shallow,” physical attraction is still very important and people shouldn’t judge others base on whom they are attracted to.This post is especially bad and it threatened people many times; just read #5. I mean, seriously?!?!?! Oh my gosh! What a horrible thing to say!
Here’s my attempt to articulate the reason why many asians aren’t attracted to other asians: though race is not longer a real deal, cultures that are associated to each race is still very real. Each culture has its flaws, some are far more bothersome than others. The particular ones associated with the asian culture is intolerable especially to fellow asians; some of these flaws are even demonstrated in this post. How dare you to judge and intimate other people just because you can’t find an asian guy to date. What other people prefer is really not your business. Keep this kind of anger to yourself and quit blaming every problem on White people.
It’s very interesting to read what a lot of people have to say about this article. I personally believe the article is correct to a certain extent. I would not label myself as a potato queen solely because I would not date white guys exclusively. In fact, I alway joke around with my close gay friends asking them to find me a bloody hot malay boyfriend. lol. Funny enough, my partner of 7 years is an Aussie. He’s a great guy and we have gone through a lot in the last 7 years. I dont think we would have lasted as long as we have if I was dating him for the sake of him being my token white guy. My advice get to know the guy first before you take off your pants. As a generalisation, I think being a gay male is hard enough for anyone and yes I could understand the whole “racism” thing. Before I met my partner, I noticed it gets worse on gay dating websites and I could say most of them are desperate for something either sex, or love or even just lonely or bored. The sad thing is no one has any sense of homour and just because you send them a message, they think you wanna sleep with them. I guess find happiness in your life and enjoy what life has to offer.
Well,Some of it may be correct but u cant generalized everything.
I m younger asian and like older white man.Its not just asian and white thing.Its mostly about physical aspects in gay community.Not only older guys have left young asians for younger guys but younger asians also have left older guys for richer ones.Well,everyone needs to be careful while choosing a BF and choose someone who really loves u for what u r.I m lucky to have met some very nice guys and have been very good friends.
I like older white guys and wont stop dating coz thats what I like..Its beyond my control.
and I know there are some nice guys out there.
Hello,
I have read your post. I m a white 36 yo guy and most of time I am into asian guys. I m sad to know what you think about white. Maybe you have been disepointed many times.
Actually I don’t know what means “rice queen” or “potatoe queen”… I think this is bad expressions…
Most of time I m attracted by asian guy because I prefer asian culture more than mine. For me asian people are more respectfull and faithfull for long term Relationship than most of white gay people.
But I also like black, latinos, arab, white people. It dépends on what they are Inside.
I m looking for loyal and honnest Relationship with an asian or not.
I m sorry if some white guy have been hurt you in your life.
And I am not one of those white guys, even if I prefer asians !
I feel that all of us have to date whom we are attracted to, regardless of the race. I always believe that if there is bound to be someone in your life, you cannot run away from him. I don’t agree with the saying that there is someone for everyone. There are always some people who are more fortunate than others and they found their soul mates or life partners, regardless of their ethnicity. In that respect, I will NOT discourage one from looking for what one is attracted to. Just be yourself and if you are lucky, your soul mate will show up some day. Have you guys ever wonder why some attractive women or men are single all their lives even though they are looking to date people of their same ethnicity? Down to the bottom, fate and destiny play an important role!
What an angry website , funny and angry, all Asian guys who have been dumped by white guys can air their discontents here……….hehe… its a perfect site for paranoid
Asian guys with inferiority complexes. I’m a rice queen love Asian guys both younger and older also like white guys. I did however marry an Asian guy, we have had many spats and work our way through them, he likes Asian and white guys. He expressed this fear of being dumped for younger many years ago, but since i’m attracted to older as much (or more) then younger I told him it isn’t going to happen. At 11 years we’re are still much in love with no intentions of breaking up. All white guys are not the same but sometimes certain personalities always attract the same type of people over and over again.
I do have a few crow’s feet starting around my eyes (sorry I’m not perfect)
I lost my belly a few years ago , my husband prefers my belly a bit bigger
my partner gained about 20lbs over the years and I love his body even more (from his nose to his toes)
Hi everybody. Came across this post while browsing through about white-asian gay relationship. I’m a 29-year-old East Asian living in Vienna, Austria and was in a relationship with a white guy for 5 years. I am mostly attracted to white guys ever since I could remember. To this day, I’m not sure why, but maybe because I like the sense of feeling being protected by my partner. Perhaps I should also mention that I prefer my guy to be older than me, but not more than 10 years older.
I learned a lot from my last relationship. I am not saying all gay white males are complicated and selfish. But that was what I had gone through with my ex. I tried every single second to please him and I pampered him all I could. After 5 years, I realized, it wasn’t worth it at all. Why? I’m tired being the only listener. I’m tired being pushed deep down like I’m second to everything.
It seemed that after years being together, he forgot that the reason I was with him was not just to be banged hard in bed. It’s more than sex, it’s more than just going to fun fair, it’s more than just going to restaurants.
So what am I trying to say from situation? To those who are in a relationship with their white partners, are are looking for one, no matter how much a white guy loves you, some may tend to think they are superior and you are oblige to tend to their needs thinking that they don’t have the needs to do so to their Asian partners. I’m not sure if this is due to his upbringing as a European.
The break up was devastating, was an eye-opener, was a smack in the head. but I dont give up, I move on. Despite what happened, I still believe there is someone out there who is worthy for my love. Who would treat me with respect and love and care, as how he would treat himself. But as for now, I would keep searching and waiting, but at the same time, continue to live life happily. Thanks to friends and others who care.
Very insightful. In a way I feel blessed to realize this at an early age because It’ll save me the heartache in the long run.
I do not want to be one of those Asians who has a limited view of beauty – every race has an attractive individual and it’s foolish to exclusively date a person of one race. But then again, you know what they say, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”
Rick,
Thank you for sharing your story with us and I wish you best of luck in finding your next partner.
Sam
McAllen, TX
Oh my god. I came upon this article looking for ways to improve myself to be more attractive to gay asians. I have been called a rice queen in the past, but never thought of it as a demeaning term. I am 100% attracted to asians. Asian body types, from masc to fem, asian culture, food, art, design, theism, and mythos. Everything. I am a white 21 year old 6’6” 215lb blue eyed sandy haired gay man, and I have been looking for a partner since I was 19. I have dated probably 7 asian men in the last 2 years, all of which ended because they were terrible to me, or ditched ME for a new model. My last boyfriend of 11 months told me on our bed, after we had moved in together, that he had never actually been sexually attracted to me, so I ended it right then and there. Apparently just being white isn’t enough lol not to mention I was super supportive of him, cooked for him every day, helped him with his schoolwork, and various other things to make sure he knew I appreciated him as a person. When I read articles like this all I can think of is “NO! DON’T GIVE UP!” because there are people like me out here who are head over heels attracted to asian men. It always bums me out when I see a very attractive asian with a balding fat white guy who treats him like shit; I am always thinking to myself “I could give you the world, and share my life with you”.. I have recently come to believe that maybe it’s not the white thing asians are after, but the financial stability and monetary gains of an older white man. That’s all I can think of.. I am a gentleman by nature, and open doors, and pay for meals etc and my ideal partner would be submissive in nature, but still an equal partnership. I am actually not all that attracted to white guys nor any other races.. Then again, it’s hard to find an asian guy- actually any guy- who like the things I do. Everyone is so obsessed with Beyonce and Lady Gaga and what have you that when they find out I don’t care for them too much, they instantly give me the cold shoulder. Do any of you have any tips for a white guy who wants an Asian husband- an equal partner? I have been looking and it seems like there is not a single guy who finds me attractive, and when they do it’s only until they find someone better. Ironic, considering this article.
Some of us do not like being objectified and you seem to do that and we find that unattractive.
Hey Taylor..
I was looking over what you said about wanting tips for white guys looking for asian partners. You just have to play the dating game, in the same way you would with other ethnicities. Of course not everyone is going to have the same interests as you but if someone is going to look past you as a potential boyfriend just because of music taste then that person is definitely not for you. Everyone has to wait for the person of their dreams to magically appear…and some people have to wait longer than others. Im 18, and have a hispanic/ japanese backround and often get discouraged because Im not meeting anyone I even like as a person yet alone their physical appearance. But, yeah…Good Luck:)
Taylor you seem quite mature for your age. White here married to asian man we been together 15 years and unlike the racist views of this article my husband might die a lonely asian guy if I die 1st or I might die a lonely white guy but unless something tragic happen. Otherwise this is a racist sight because I have way more reason why rice queen( a person who prefers asian person as a partner for life) shouldn’t date Asians but a chicken hawk( preys on young boys of all ages which there are plenty at bars hook up sights etc..) you looking to be shot down. Looking for love then look for some one who will love and respect as you do the same for who they are. This writer sounds like a white guy(alias:KKK in the 1960’s talk dating outside a race. As a mutt(1/2 German, 1/4 Irish and 1/4 native America. Read about the KKK/White Power they talk crap like this. So does this writer has some over all fear of something or like the GOP in America such as a lack power. He and all should seek why your views are so close to these hate groups. Love between 2 people is nobody else’s concern. Quit hating Period…………………………
Hi Taylor,
Really agreed on what you said.
Immature people are across races, and people of different races should be confident of their own ethnic origins.
I used to be attracted to white men. But I found that appearance is a very minor element in sustaining a relationship.
BTW, can I have the opportunity to know you more. haha
I’m a 23-year-old Asian looking for a like-minded partner.
Kind of sick of the hook-up scene of the gay world…
Taylor you said you just looking for hookup my husband and I was seeking life partner so we never”hooked zyup” in 2 years. So we became partners 1st then lovers and soon to be married on our 14 th anniversary of living together. You start with hook ups then you will find Hawks(Hawks flie very well
See?? There are plenty of white boys interested in asian men, you guys are just too bitchy being rejected by the gods haha the gods stay in mt olympus, humans can just have a glimpse of them when the gods feel like going down your level. which means your not as hot. now deal with it!! im not saying only really hot white boys are gods there can be an asian god to and im aure youll get rejected too! find your match bro you cant suck every white cock you like. haha im not a good looking asian but some of the gods smile down upon me from time to time 🙂
I can never understand what Nevada Summers is saying….does he come with a translation app?
Wow, this post is so offensive and cynical.
I’m white and many of the guys I find attractive are Asian. I’m really looking to settle down into a stable, loving, long-term relationship with someone, preferably close to own age. Maybe I just have a good heart, but I would never treat someone I’m dating like you are suggesting white people tend to.
I actually feel really hurt by your analysis here.
Ryan
To clarify, let me respond to your five points, number by number:
(1) i’m 30 years old, a relatively handsome white guy, full head of hair, have no beer belly, have a good job and good education, – but I still have a hard time attracting cute Asian guys – even the ones who are also 30 years old like me – because they are all going for the 23 year old white abercrombie models, or they are “sticky” and only go for other Asians.
(2) i’m not going to dump someone I love for a “younger, cuter Asian.” i don’t want somebody too much younger than me. guys who are more than few years younger than me are still figuring out their lives, they are still young and immature, so we have nothing in common. I much prefer to find someone who is my own age, and we are at the same place in life, and can make a life together. i think it’s super creepy when i see 40 year old dudes with 20 year old boyfriends (whether they’re Asian or just Tom Daley and his 40 year old bf).
(3) of course i care about someone i’m dating or crushing on as an indivual. yes, i happen to be highly attracted to cute asians because of their physical type, but i won’t get close to someone unless i know we are also a great match personality-wise and that we click as individuals.
(4) maybe i age faster than an asian guy. what’s your point? can’t do anything about our genetics. i’ll do my best to take care of myself.
(5) whoever i date and finally marry isn’t gonna be old and lonely – we’ll be old together.
In summary:
i can understand your frustrations with dating, but i don’t think it’s a race or ethnicity thing. there are immature people who hurt other people in *all races*, not just white dudes. i could easily write take what you wrote, reverse the words white and asian, and it would describe my experience dating asians – they’ve done the same things to me that you suggest white guys do to them. so my point is that immature people do bad things and it doesn’t matter what race they are. it’s just immature people.
anyway, your rant is super offensive. i hope people don’t read it and actually believe it.
Maybe some Asians treated you badly but it is more common for white men to treat us badly and that includes objectifying us like sexual toys. But who am I to judge. I don’t know you.
Ryan,
Where do you live.
ryan,
couldn’t have said it better myself.
I agree with the age part. Any age difference beyond 10 years is a recipe for disaster as you will have nothing in common with that person.
I totally agree with you Ryan, I hated the idea by how this rant is overly offensive and too generalized. I am Asian myself and had my fair shares of pain and rejections but this is just totally too much to say. It’s not just white men, jerks come in all skin color.
I’m glad you stood up to your own point of view and this has totally enlightened me and I sure hope you will find your happiness soon enough.
I know this posting is too late but I would be more happy to get to know someone like you.
Ryan, your words are so lovely. I will definitely want to get to know you!
Hi Ryan
Where ere you?,I am in los angeles
I try not to think about race so much… or labels in general. Whomever so I am attracted to, that’s that. Focusing so much on our differences just creates obsessions, fetishes, unhealthy mindsets, stereotypical thinking and even barriers. If I fall for a good looking guy, it’s really irrelevant to me what his differences are. I wouldn’t want stereotypical thinking to prevent an Asian guy from opening his heart to me no more than I’m sure an Asian guy would want stereotypes to keep me from opening my heart to him.
People think too much, complicates everything… it’s best to keep it simple.
Atrus,
I think you make some really good points and observations about the gay community and the world.
You say “I think the gay community is predicated on lust and desire these days with gays only seeking out particular traits in their partners”, and I think that that is quite true. And it got me wondering, was my potato-queenism, which is based on the particular trait of white skin, just a symptom of the disease? In a larger scale, I can see the problem with lust and pure sexual desire based on beautiful bodies as the main constituent of my malaise over society and my sexuality. In this dilemma, I see less of the individual that I am attracted to and more of just how they look, which leads to diluting the person of that individual into nothing more than a potential sexual object. I hope that I can be more than that. I hope I can rise above lasciviously staring at men on the train, wondering…
I noticed most of my sexuality consists of fantasy, of my being desired by hot porn-star white guys and being held in their warm, secure arms at night. Yet, often fantasy does not reach actualization (perhaps, at the least, it’s used as titillating fodder for reaching climax during masturbation). Perhaps, it would be more productive for me to talk with people and not have in the backdrop of my mind of getting in bed with them. I find this task extremely difficult, especially if my interlocutor is handsome. I can feel my underwear getting wet with pre-cum.
It is pretty scary to think about a ‘new world order’ in which the entire world would be westernized, relegating rich cultures into a synthetic and superficial one. Nonetheless, isn’t that the potato-queen dream, to be acknowledged as part and parcel –finally–of the same culture of the white man? (I should point out that this question is not my desire, it’s just argumentative). Understandably, I feel that in this scenario, Sigmund Freud would be important to point out: even if we rule out communism or world orders, there would still remain the question of sexual prerogative. Just because one is part of an ingroup doesn’t mean guaranteed sex with its leader.
I feel that I will never be comfortable in my own skin, and that may not necessarily be a bad thing.
Hello Dan, your posts moved me. I think you are still very young and things do change over time. I wish for you healing, self respect, and I believe you will be comfortable in your own skin. It’s a cliche to say it now, but yes, it gets better. I think if you just cultivate those interests you are passionate about, you will become more attractive quite naturally. I’m an old guy in a wonderful marriage, but I had to go through a lot of emotional healing and growth myself to get here. Take it easy. Then when it comes, take it! And do take care…
I’m a gay Korean-American teenager living in NYC. My first tenuous sexual attraction as a child was for white boys seen in cinematic movies (the muscular, jock type usually depicted heterosexual and horny for white chicks). I just found them so beautiful despite their few flaws. Later when I got older, the countless hours of watching gay Caucasian porn and buying into white men and their sexual lure really consolidated my predilection for the “white male model” body type. Often, when my racial identity and my sexual identity confronted one another, I found myself sinking into a deathly pit feeling. I knew that I wasn’t white, nor could I ever be. No amount of education or pining after a different race could change me into a white man. So, I stuck with being a potato- queen.
At times it drove me crazy and suicidal to be rejected by god-like white guys on gay dating sites. I started cutting my wrist. I saw some blatantly correct their ads afterwards to “No Asians.” And I felt devastated.
I was always envious of other Asian dudes that had better physical features than I, especially those who scored white dudes (e.g. like on Asian Boy Nation). Their sexy bodies meant a better chance at white dudes.
Then, for awhile I looked inside myself and tried to think of the psychology and sociology behind my attitude of sexual exclusivity toward white men. I decided that in my mind I had placed white men as a superior race to those of any other, particularly Asians. Moreover, after this realization, I understood why I felt jealously dead inside when I saw a striking beautiful white man reduced to such a level of inferiority by choosing what I perceived, an uglier Asian man for his sexual object. Due to a long time of rejection and believing in the myth of white superiority, I erroneously judged Asian men as inferior and undeserving of white men’s love.
Admittedly, I am still mostly attracted to white men, but I have grown to become attracted to other races as well– blacks, Indians, Arabs, Latinos, and yes, other Asians. Therefore, I can shed my potato-queen identity; I can be myself, yet at the same time less maniacal and more human.
Yes, I can relate to your statements and why I feel the way I do.
No wonder I distance myself from certain types of white guys, (sporty, athletic, sexy) types because I feel underserving or unworthy of their love due to supressed feelings of inferiority, and hence, why my subject of interest in particular, tends to be towards white guys who are generally (average, decent and smart) looking; being hairy, handsome, daddy types, but overall pretty good-looking and nice physique.
I think the gay community is predicated on lust and desire these days with gays only seeking out particular traits in their partners, whilst eliminating what they perceive to be undesirable qualities from their search, and I just think that not many are really looking for a serious relationship, which is unfortunate.
I understand the pressure that Asians (especially young people), go through, growing up in a society that’s now reorientated towards a new world order; a globalist mindset that strips away individualism and praises adherence to serve the dominant master culture; being white culture. But when Asians get rejected by their so-called white masters, a yearning to feel accepted and ‘fit in’ ensues, and they try to aspire to some western ideal in their mind, which is all just a lie like you’ve stated.
Faced with so much pressure from family, friends, society, many are already brainwashed to its ideals, especially when it comes to looks.
Have you ever considered plastic surgery to appear more western or to ‘de-racialise’? Is one example I’m talking about.
I know it’s a disturbing trend, but one should be proud and happy with the body they’re born with, because if you don’t respect yourself first you’ll never feel happy in your own skin, I know I’m happy, are you?
And yes, I too, am slowly starting to develop an interest in people from other different cultures and racial backgrounds, they too can be just as beautiful as whites. 🙂
good for you, Dan. personally i find latinos the most attractive.
racist much?
Shane, whether this is racist or not is debatable because we all have racist tendencies.
There isn’t evidence of hate directed towards whites or asians
to call racism. By the definition of racism, there has to be an element of hate, but the author is
stating that he feels disillusioned and is giving up on white guys.
It depends on the person and what turns them on because no two people are alike.
Well said. How very eloquent
I’ve read these posts online about a large number of asian guys being into white guys and I really question the integrity of these posts. I am an asian male, and I am not into white guys whatsoever, why would you want to date someone whos really 30 but looks 40, bad hygene, all that body hair, some even on their backs is just disgusting, and their personality doesn’t really click well with me either. I also dont see many asian guy / white guy couples either. I just get the feeling these “potatoe queens” are a minority, that most asian guys are NOT into white guys, but exaggerated to make the white guy seem for desirable than he really is.
There isn’t a lot of good-looking asians where l live, but so many good-looking white guys, but l doubt they’re gay.
How do you know if someone’s gay when you’re an introvert like me?
P.S. I not only prefer Asian gentlemen, I am addicted to them.
I’d love to visit, if it weren’t for priorities forestalling me from looking for love.
I’m slim and I’d say I’m pretty cute and good-looking by my own estimation, does this please daddy?
I’m bored and lonely here with only work to occupy me.
Hi Artus,
Well it is to bad that you won’t be visiting.
The fact that you are a good looking, cute, thin Asian gentlemen would have been a good start (or as you have put it: pleases daddy). I would also be very interested in who you are as a person.
I am not a Southern American Guy. I was born and raised in Rochester NY. Lived in Seattle WA, San Diego CA, and now Austin TX. I also spent 3 months in Singapore for work some time ago.
I hope that your days and nights are soon filled with love.
My invitation to you to visit is still open should you change your mind. I have left you with all the information you need to find out who I am.
I hope you have a wonderful day/night
Thank you, jml.
I’m not one hard to please, honest, l’d love to be with someone like you.
Might I add there are not many asians like me.
I’m content with my life at this moment in time though I never had a boyfriend.
I’m a student of science and currently studying, hence, why I can’t travel.
I’m of Laos descent living in South-Western, Sydney. I’ve never been out of Australia. I’m very down-to-earth and have a spiritual approach to life.
I don’t think I fit into the stereotypical asian look, but that’s purely subjective.
Thank you for your kind words, that made my day.
really?
sounds good to me..
do u come to NYC?
u seem to be be sweet guy.would be nice to date u.
All of the white men’s shortcomings? You mention the age and the chubbyness? Well, fuck, who is the more superficial here.
As soon as I saw this, I knew you were a jaded aging homo. Older white man here into younger…and yes asians. but not exclusively.
cute Asian, 29, into bearded, hairy men of European descent; chubs, cubs and bears are ABSOLUTELY cuddly and adorable – can I give you a hug?
Hi atrus,
Nice to meet you. I would love to have the opportunity to date you. I am 52, white gentlemen and I recently moved to Austin Texas, USA for work. Would you like to come visit?
Southern American guys are so hot, though l could never possibly bag one…(lol), l also love their accent.
Still, l would settle for a decent good-looking white gentlemen to keep me company. 🙂
Hi,jms,in CA?
In LA Koreatown
hi john,
a bit late to the party here, but i think you’re right. i’m asian and i’ve had no issues attracting guys of all age/race groups since my early twenties and i’m 42.
what’s funny is that i often get noticed by younger guys who think i’m in my late twenties. ha, only if they knew!
Not exclusively, lol! That makes it sound worse.
I can only imagine what you think of me……
I am not sure that I can buy into your theory. I am a white man who has been pretty good looking his whole life. I have tried to date Asian gents throughout my life but have only been successful once. I still love the Asian gentlemen that I dated but he broke it off with me and let me know that there is no chance of it being rekindled. Since then I have tried to date other Asian gents but with no luck. It is true that I prefer thin gentlemen of any ethic background and have dated other non Asian men recently, but I have had no luck finding an Asian gentlemen of any age who wanted to date me. Unfortunate, as I do prefer Asian gentlemen.
well, you’re in luck…i’m a cute Asian from Australia, 29, hit me up… ;).
I am 24, white Mexican, and find Asians to be cute… There’s a lot of Japanese gguys in my hometown but they seem to be secluded from the rest of us, don’t have a clue on how to date one of them.
I live in Japan and most Japanese guys keep to themselves. The racism this article complains about is similar to what happens in Japan, but in reverse. Many, perhaps most Japanese men will ignore non-Asian guys. On the other hand, there are a number of very open-minded guys.
Seclusion is a big problem in asian community mainly anti social outside there race. Like my kentucky family. White racist who hates gays. So most time Asians cut you out of their life with partner to be with closet sickening way for white to live.
how cute? lol
date me, i am the man of your dreams
Hey I agree with most of this I am a white male but I do prefer Asians and I’m in love with my partner of 9 yrs now who is Chinese I don’t just love him because he is Asian I love him for who he is and couldnt ask for more I do prefer only be with Asian but that doesn’t mean I will leave him one day for a younger Asian I prefer older Asians anyway I’m 24 he is 33 we travel to China twice a year to see his family and j feel this article may be only true for some people but not all people as you make it seem
This writer reasons was hate motivated why….. His facts are wrong
Michael why! Do you agree that the writer is mistaking chicken Hawks , over men who like to date outside their race. The word rice, potatoe, taco queens. Why don’t we just call it fags instead of queens. All this is discriminating and insulting to the human race. Geez I can’t believe racist gay men in there 20s wtf I dated every race there is but I prefer men outside the white race. Love is much better then hate
Do you think this potato queenism stems more from environmental nurturing from youth? Because what I have commonly experienced is that these potato queens often come from broken homes with families they could not care less about, so they attempt to leave behind their past by engaging in a future that is the direct opposite of what they have been brought up in.
Many of these rice queens tend to have asian friends (mostly female) but only engage in intimacy with anyone of non-asian heritage which furthers my point that they wish to distance themselves from their genetics and engage in a community that is in stark contrast to their own.
And in the case of whites only dating whites; common case of white privilege where they are only concerned for themselves and people who like similar to themselves. They are unable to conceive that someone of a different colour may be exactly like them or completely compatible because they do not live up to their ‘standard’ of beauty.
I don’t think this can be blamed on the media which tends to feminise asians in general. If one is familiar with the scene, there are many Asians out there who typify your alpha male which applies if one was to make the case that caucasians are more masculine.
Rice queens claim it’s just their taste that they’re EXCLUSIVELY attracted to caucasians but I believe it to be more deep seeded than that. Should also be a sense of a lack of self-esteem that you don’t find people who look similar to you sexually desirable.
I was struck by your concept of “environmental nurturing”, since it’s kind of applicable for me. As an Asian gay, born in Asian family with Asian value, I feel that tendency to detach myself from anything related to my Asianism, and yes, I adore caucasian more than any other race.
Funny thing, is that..once I’ve grown up, and I become emotionally closer with my family, I start to build interest with certain type of Asian guys. Probably b’coz I’ve met both caucasian and asian guy, and having more experience and knowledge, starts to realized that guys are more than just physical.
I still like white guys, as much as I would like colored one. However, between one beautiful Greek-God type of caucasian guy with brassy attitude, and one geeky slender guy with nice attitude, I’ll definitely go with the latter 😉
(=
I also used to adore white men, but as time went by, I started to see white (or asian or black or whatnot) men just as men and sort of decoupled various things I used to associate with them, like “white male = power, wealth”, “asian male = not man enough”, etc.
today I don’t find white men more attractive than asian men. doesn’t mean that I’m no longer attracted to white men, but the “overpreference” for them is gone.
Ignorance. And fear. Is the reason for resist stop it. Love has bouderies
No boundaries
White men are players, it’s true.. they treat us like a car lease. When they see a better car advertised, boom! Bye Bye! an invisible contract that you’re not aware, you’d be lucky if you last for 2 years.
Did I not mention I am mixed race been with my husband for 14 years. You only know bar flies not other couples/ life partners/spouses who been together decades. Sorry you are a racist but people like to date different races. Groups such as American skinheads thinks like this based ignorance and fear. Simple lokfor chicken to hookup with then you will find many. This witer attitude he will not find a man of any race. Separating races is a racist idea. I find being a racist in a minority group (gay men)who is discriminated against others for their own belief is narrow minded and needs to seek pro psychiatric help. Stop hating. Love
I strongly agree and guilty of this….So Sad to know and accept the fact that it is hard for us Asians to get what we wanted as we all know white guys are more attracted to other ethnicities like latinos, european, arabs…In the gay community, Asian specially effeminate gay or ladyboys are on the least or at most bottom in the heirarchy of desirability….In gay world, love rarely exists…Lust binds two couples to be together…
I am still single now,,,,I am living and working here in UAE for almost 3 years now..never had a serious relationship since birth….I think I need to co exist with nature if I think I dont fit in the community…”do not be choosy if you are not yummy”… Know yourself and i think we need to love our own race….What we can boast as Asian, is our heart, we have a good and oft heart…and our culture..
We age slower than them, we value family and we live less complicated than them…
How I wish i could and asian guy who can be mine forever…Good luck to all of us!!
I almost got tainted to believe this very racist post due to my experience. I am a young asian(spaniard/chinese/filipino) guy living in LA, California. You could say its the most superficial city to live in and dating is totally downsized to minimal opportunities but on my relationship experiences, I couldn’t say I didn’t enjoy every moment of it. I came across a very good-looking white guy as my very first boyfriend when I was just 19 years old and he was 22.
Dark hair, blue eyes, 6 feet tall. I could say, he was the total Asians type and every time we held hands everyone would give us the nastiest looks but we never cared and just laughed it out because we were both happy and for me nothing else mattered but him, so did he. Did everything for each other; Cooked for him and he cooked for me, waking up every morning looking at each other and leave each other kisses whispering each others ears saying “forever” for five years, Sadly, he died in a car accident.
Since then, all my relationships were just either, I get left out for a better looking asian guy as written on the second reason of this blog, get cheated on, rejected, breaking up with me for another guy from a friends acquaintance. I cry, I moved on, hit up the next white guy on the closest proximity. Lol “grindr”, “okcupid”, or whatever site it may be.
I am not a total potato queen. I dated asians before but 3 months later he posts pictures of his new white Bf at Dinseyland. lol
I’m into all ethnicities and nationalities it just happens that most men that I came across me were white men and somehow they find me attractive too.
I don’t know if I am making a hard point or any sense to give you guys a better understanding how gay life works. Love works on a very mysterious way and that’s what makes it exciting to be in one. You got to learn the patience, love can never be perfect until you find it and understand what it means, Love is just love and it happens in the most unexpected places, websites, and scenarios. Don’t blame anyone for their actions for everyone has their own reason why they left you or you left them. Just think of it in a very optimistic manner, he gave you a chance to actually meet who you meant to have a forever with.
My first love gave me the hope and courage to still believe that there is someone out there for me. Erase all this hatred and posting out a very spiteful rant but it doesn’t mean that you are not entitled to your own opinions. All I ask of you is that I hope you will learn how to forgive yourself soon enough to be stuck at this hatred towards those people who did you harm and pain and stop generalizing that all white men are the same.
Peace to everyone! hehe
I may be single, but I am very happy and I hope to find my next Romeo soon whatever your skin color may be. I am 26 turning 27 soon. I am at the prime of my life and I just want to be happy again with that man beside me that I can call forever.
If you’re here my prince, email me at joacqui@hotmail.com.
Not to be insensitive but I was reading the first paragraph and then BOOM that came out of nowhere.
a little desperate aren’t you?
Your coment hit home, I wish everybody can be more open minded. I’ve dated blacks, hispanics, whites but very few asians. The truth is, I would love to date an asian man however they all seem to be attracted to white men only. The percentage is so or only as high its crazy. An american asians are obsessed with whites men. go to the club and their all over them even if their twice their age, fat or ulgy as hell
Dj,
Thank you for taking the time to read out a very long pararaph. Basing on the “all asians are attracted to white”– that is not true. I for one is into Asians.
Don’t lose hope, you’ll find that right guy for you as long you have a positive outlook towards life and from meeting new people. Don’t live on expectations. I suggest; meet people, have fun, or be friends with them. With that attitude gives you the opportunity to make them see who real you is. You don’t have to change nor pretend to be something you’re not just to be a taste of their liking. If you wanna chat. Hit me up. Joacqui@hotmail.com
Hello. I am a white American living in Taiwan. It is true that there are a handful of Taiwanese men that are attracted to me just for being white, but there are also many that despise me for the reasons you have listed. I love Taiwanese men. Of course I am physically attracted to the fact that it seems so easy for most men in this country to be handsome or decent-looking without really trying, but for me, it is much more than that. I am ashamed to come from a country that is continuously passively racist to most asian cultures, but also excited to be living in a time where I see this slowly crumbling away. I love Taiwanese men because they are humble, genuine, friendly, loving, family-oriented, etc. I hope to one day meet the man of my dreams here and get married. Please don’t group us all into these categories. I know these stereotypes are true more often than I’d like to admit, but some of us are attracted to the values and traditions of the respective country and the personalities of the people that inhabit them.
Jeremy you don’t even see the racist you are involved in. Asian men needs to understand the Chicken Hawks coming there will never be the ok anyhow because they will just stay in America and marry. Like my asian husband of 13 years and 14 year anniversary will also be the we become a husband and husband by Law in the US. So my husband takes on american citizen at that time so the attraction will even be worse but it will be asian who seek. I didn’t seek my asian husband he found me we dated 2 years before he came here. 15 years ago. Love has no limitations
I live in the gay couples seen not the bar flies maybe looking in the wrong place for more then love, your personal needs as a man has to take back seat. I know asian and white couple who been together 40 years(my str8 brother)with his flip wife. He brought her family here and supported them). Focus on love not hate
Hi AngryHomo, that was well written. I agree most of what you’ve said. I’m Chinese in my late 20’s and currently live in Australia. I’m primarily attracted to Caucasian male and I find that really annoying sometimes. And the problem is I can’t seem to help it. I have been single most of my life and after reading your post, I realised I guess I can’t waste my life like this!
I agree with your other post about dating older guys too, I would never date anyone 5+ yrs older than me and to be honest I found that kind of relationship quite blech..
I have actually dated some asian guys before but I just can’t seem to find myself physically attracted to them.If you’re reading this,I was wondering how can you be attracted to Asian guys? Because I assume you are attracted to white guys at first? Would love to hear your insights on this!
Hey Shaun.
I also used to be attracted almost exclusively to white guys. but over the years I learned that white men are just men. they are no more or less “man” than asian or black or men of other ethnic groups.
there are attractive white/asian/black/etc. men just as there are unnatractive white/asian/black/etc. men.
it took me some time to sort of discover the sexiness of asian men. I ended up having moments where I was like, “why didn’t I see that earlier!?”.
one more thing that I’ve just seen in a documentary: white men are supposed to emBODY power and wealth, which are very attractive to most people.
to sort of decouple this association also helps seeing white/asian/black/etc. men more as human beings rather than as emBODIments of those attributes.
Boy I wish I knew where there are lots of Asians attracted
to white guys, since leaving Los Angeles , CA I have only met
Asians that felt they were so special they would only date you
if you could support them 100% and buy them a nice car to boot!
I dearly love and miss Asian men so much. American born Asians
though are mostly gold diggers. Would love to meet n Asian guy
who just moved here from his native country, they are the ones with
the sweet and honest and sincere personalities.
Randuy
I am a nice guy just moved here to California, email me with your pictures maybe we are going to click jres_123@yahoo.com
Lol, there really is a sucker born every minute.
Hi Randy, Nice young asian guy here. In cali, hit me up at shivery_01@yahoo.com
Randy,
I find what you said about American born Asians to be highly offensive. I’m an american born Chinese and I take no money from men I date. In fact, I’m quite the opposite. I am an individual person and have been considered grade A Asian. I take care of my man and can buy my own things. I think you need to think real hard and long before associating most American born Asians are gold diggers.
Agree tommy. There seems to be so much stereotyping on this blog based on race and age. I thought we as a society had progressed beyond this.
Yes, this broad-stroke observation is highly offensive, and quite in keeping with the tone of the article. It all depends on who’s ox is being gored, eh?
i hope this is satire. If not, re-read reason #3…
its not a satire at all. lol
Randy, I think I am the one that you ve been looking for 😉 Aguy972@yahoo.com. Tom
This is not a dating site
Hi,Randy
Is that true ?I live in Los Angeles,did not feel that way.
Am not Randy
That article was NOT well written and was EXTREMELY racist, especially towards Caucasian people. I am extremely offended by these comments and you are feeding into negative stereotypes, you can’t generalize about all people. It simply isn’t fair and it’s very hateful.
I agree, this is pretty racist. I don’t like how the writer had to use derogatives terms that have implicit racism. Also, an Asian preferring a white person is not a bad thing.
Now, I am a 66 years old Chinese, I still love sweet potatoes with moustache, no beard or goatee and certainly not clean shaven. It is just a question of taste. When I was in my early 20s, I preferred Chinese women to white women. I grew out of that pretty soon and became 100% gay. Age does not play an important role as far as my choice of the person. I am a happy and romantic person, not at all angry. Life is too short to be unhappy.
Email me if you would like to chat: soonhohng@hotmail.com
hey Angryhomo,
I like the way you think. even though I’m white myself. (please don’t kill me now). I think you’re right. Asians usually fall for white men who arn’t worth them. I myself have never been with an asian. But I see them as equal. I have some asian friends each fall on older, ugly and usually completely bad white men. Whom only want my friends because they are young and cute. Now my question is what I do in order to show them that they are worth more and finally stay away from such trash .
Thank you if you can give me tips.
My Asian partner took 12 years and a near permanent separation because with extreme OC plus but get council because like the writer “he thought his race was supior like a cult. He is seeking to be deprogrammed now our life. Angry homo might want to ask a mental doctor what his problem is to be so much hate to a race. At least most racist hates all races but he has a white person problem.
Just,very sad ,heard about this…
We all grow up with culturally received biases and these biases which in early human history had their advantages sometimes weigh us down in ways we don’t even imagine. It’s an unavoidable part of being human. However, it doesn’t mean that we have to keep those biases.
I started enjoying life more when I stopped comparing people’s faces with the “ideal” and started looking for something interesting in each face I was looking at. People became more interesting and attractive. I actually felt happier than before. Try it. It’s fun.
Angry homo will censor you just like asian men like to censor their gay life style. Driving out of the closet homos crazy because they live a lie. So who can’t trust who? Can you really trust someone who lies to their family friends on a daily bases? Do you want to be with someone who thinks their race is superior to others? I have 100 reasons not to date. But Love has no bouderies especially race. Otherwise it’s just radish at best. This asian sounds like he really agrees with other groups on keeping to their race. Skinheadt-hate groups across America since our beginning
d0 u have kik
Nah, Just send me emails tysonhao@gmail.com
Wait who’s being asked here? Mine is kik:joacqui01 the first one was wrong.
Yeah my kik is jacquard