Who doesn’t like being a hot white guy? You’re pretty much a Greek god in the gay community and there really isn’t anybody you can’t get. For others, you often find “no asians, no blacks” in dating profiles, which shows how racist and white-centric gay dating can be.
You see, there’s a totem pole of races in the gay community, with white people at the very top. It sorta goes like this: White, Latino (honorary whites), Mixed, Asian, Black, Indian, etc. This hierarchy is responsible for all kinds of phenomena in the gay world. Take, for example, the fact that Asian-White couples often consist of an older white guy with a younger Asian. Or at the very least, an Asian who’s substantially more attractive than his white counterpart. It’s never the other way around.
The bias extends to pop culture. When was the last time you saw an Asian Abercrombie model? All of the main characters on Queer as Folk were white. Heck, all the main characters in the latest HBO gay drama Looking are white even though the show is set in San Francisco where a third of gays are Asian. And of course, how can we forget about gay porn?
And so I wanted to find out for myself what every gay Asian knows – no matter how hot or young you are, you’ll suffer the inevitable Asian “discount” that’s applied when you hit the dating/hookup market. What better way than on the most shameless, unapologetic, and narcissistic venue: Grindr.
The Asian vs. White Grindr Experiment
Who’s hotter?
I whipped out two phones, loaded Grindr, and put two similar looking jocks to the test: 28, 5’10”, 170lbs, muscular, 8”uc. What’s not to like? Their profiles were exactly the same except one was Asian and the other white. I carried around the two phones for a week to different cities and here’s what happened.
Raw uncut data
So being Asian my whole life, I finally know how it feels to be a hot white guy for a week. The white guy comfortably gets 1.5 – 2x more messages than the Asian. There’s no other conclusion than it’s great to be white. You’ve got twice as many guys lined up ready to suck you off or get pounded by you.
Another thing you notice is that there are many hot guys who are simply off limits to Asians. Here’s one guy I tried to message as the Asian and it didn’t get very far. Gays love to use the “not my type” excuse as cover for any number of prejudicial preferences. When I message the same dude as the white guy, and I instantly get cockshots, details on how much he wants to pound my ass, and whether I can host.
As a hot white guy, you can expect a near 100% reply rate. In fact, you wind up with the problem that more guys are messaging you in a day than you can realistically sleep with in a month. This explains why as a white guy you can get away with being a complete douchebag. Why would you waste your time with anyone other than the cream of the crop? And why settle down when you can have an endless stream of orgies?
As an Asian, you can only hope to be so lucky to get the pleasure of a response. Just for fun, I sent a fellow Asian a message as the white guy. He thought it was some kind of joke, like I was a white guy coming to the back of the bus.
Conclusion
If you’re a hot white guy, keep on doing what you do best – being white. You’ve got it made until your skin starts to sag. But not to worry, you’ll still have younger Asians flocking to you.
If you’re not white, the only real solution to this problem is to pray to god that you’re born white next time. There’s an inherent bias against us and you need to know for all intents and purposes, you have no realistic chance of dating a hot white guy your own age. Changing the mentality of a whole community doesn’t happen overnight, and it certainly won’t happen in your generation.
Many people do tend to prefer their own ethnic group, gay or not. Many Asians will only date Asians, blacks only blacks, etc. So the number of responses might be because there are simply less Asians in the U.S. It’s not necessarily racist to have a preference for an intimate partner.
this is just one of many popular discourse.
boring, redundant, misrepresenting, gross
As a white German living in San Francisco since many years, I have to agree, though you tend to exaggerate a little, intentionally I suppose. And keep in mind you’re seeing the world through an Asian living in a white country. Nevertheless, my bf (Asian!) and me just laughed because your article is well written and funny. Great job!
What cities did you visit? Did you do this in the states or in Asian cities? I bet the results would be different on either case. Also even in North America your results would be different depending on the demographics of each one of these cities. So this is certainly a factor to be considered before stating your claim.
interesting idea though but it is difficult to prove a point without more data and at least a paired t-test
This kind of stereotyping and generalization of the existing racism in gay community is not only misleading but is also making the ‘white’ population feel self-empowered.
In one word, it’s disgusting.
There is no rigorous theoretical framework introduced for the study or boundaries of the examinations.
I have been living in Asia for the past 4 years to do my PhD, mostly in Seoul and Tokyo. What I found surprising about the North American racism discourse is that this phenomena does NOT exist in a unidirectional way but rather in a reciprocal network.
Asian gay communities, particularly North East Asians-Japan and Korea, culturally and structurally degrade Anglo-caucasians by calling us ‘smelly’, ‘barbaric-big mouth, feet, hands, and genitals(!)’, ‘hairy’, ‘looking old, ‘sweaty’… it’s unbelievable how we are perceived in their mindset.
This genre of gay racism needs a new inclusive framework.
Totally agree. I had a lot of asian friends in high school, and the they talked about white people was eye-opening. They called them stinky, smelly, claimed they don’t bathe properly. I’m black and even we don’t talk about white people like that.
I’m not sure I agree with you. Your obsession with racial sexual equality is neither helpful nor realistic. We live in a majority white population. We’re fed on a daily diet of white superiority and asian emasculation all our lives. It is only natural that everyone, whites and Asians alike, prefer white to Asian. Playing field had never been even, nor will it ever be.
Here’s an idea. Stop watching white TV shows and films. Stop listening to white music. Just avoid white popular culture altogether. It’s easy enough with the internet: Check out websites like viki.com. Go learn your mother tongue. Properly. Take a genuine interest in Asian culture. Try to undo some of the whitewashing you’ve been constantly subjected to. I guarantee you, there are plenty of hypermasculine 6 foot muscle types we’re used to idealising in Asian popular culture, despite the void in American culture.
Alternative: move to Asia. As a foreign-raised Asian you would have the cachet of “internationalism” whilst looking comfortably familiar to other Asians.
Look whoever wrote this articles have no cues about others nationality or ethnic group wether you’re gay or not. We as dark skin individual are attractive in our ways an handsome for others as they might say. But in the long run some white guy ending up with Asian an Indian guys or the other nationality. So, before saying something look at yourself before saying bullshit about others or think for a moment put yourself in each ethical group an image you are as a colour guy see what you think or what others might about colour or Asian guys.
I would have to say that the results of this experiment are not surprising at all, and I think you’d find similar results in most US cities, which does sound horrible.
I do wonder how much the media and/or racism actually play into this, though. I’m a white/latino mix and only really attracted to whites, latinos, persians, etc. Is this because of the media, or is this because of genes and pheromones?
Fuck this media an their racialist people in the world.
Take heart. As this article clearly demonstrates, regardless of race everyone is allowed to be ageist– even Asians! It’s the bias that gays of all backgrounds can share.
Dude
Quit whining about how you can’t get white guy cock Stick to who wants you Be yourself and not an experiment Asians don’t do it for me either – Small cocks who are pushy little fuckwits
Dude,
Your comment makes clear why I don’t like other White guys. Rednecks like you lose their looks quickly as time goes by. Guess what? –becomes those cliche old rice queens who go to Thailand to fuck under aged Asian boys. Stop being such a douchebag.
We’ll reopen the gas chambers and ovens of Auschwitz Birekanau just for you & your family
This is sad but true especially if you lived here in Western Australia. I am constantly surrounded by people saying “i’m not racist but…” Send me a cute, sexy, asian, black, latino, mixed, indian whatever guy over a plain jane white guy clone any day. And yes, I am white myself.
a paddy(as in rise seed) wants to be lost in a bowl of mashed potato!
honeysuckle you have to deal with your inferiority complexes! go to a shrink or plastic surgeon… i don’t know! boycotting shitty HBO show would’t help it!
According to your theory white gay are the most appealing, so why fill the screen with less attractive actors!?
PS
I am asian
I think this article is not that stupid. Being white is actually better in some situation. If u were actually an Asian guy u would see the diff.
How many time I thought I were white. Ppl say personality is important but what u judge the person when u see. The color does matter. I am just stupid I guess.
Hello there,
This article is outrageous toward colour people like me. I’m dark with good features. You better in your own but it doesn’t mean you can oh I’m better than this other people who call themselves but are the Norms meaning other colour guys.
As usual, he is 100% correct. However, if someone that is not deemed attractive by whiteness goes on a site/app that infamously caters and inflates white egos, you should expect nothing more from that site/app.
There are so many more healthy ways to meet other homosexual men that haven’t been considered yet, like volunteering, joining a club, etc. If grindr is the only place you know how to reach homosexuals, I just hope it just doesn’t affect your psyche after a while.
Being an African American male, it is difficult to gauge where we stand on this gay whiteness hierarchy that was created. From a race perspective, we are most certainly considered the lowest of the low, and that cannot be contested. But when I see porn on popular amateur sites, the scenario can be quite similar to what the stereotypical Asian-white relationship is; a significantly older white male (most of the time with no teeth) is choking on the large Black dick of a seemingly more attractive, and younger, Black male.
But feminine Black homosexual males as common, if not more common, than a Black homosexual masculine “thug” type male perpetuated by whiteness. And femininity is just not allowed in places where white gayness can run rampant.
In any case, fuck pleasing the whiteness. I’m going to do me and be happy.
Exactly… I love my culture… I love being a gay black male… I can appreciate aspects of every color in the spectrum. As I get older (35), I just don’t find interest in people who define preferences at face value. The worst thing a white gay male can tell me is that I am a “Exception” to their rule. Interesting story that when I have been intimate with white men it was their first time with a person of color… Years later you see they now continue to be more diverse in their dating habits. What I have decided is that I am on no hierarchical gay scale.
Say than again bro. I’m brown guy here.
Usually when a white gay male tells you that it’s because he’s trying to play out some interracial fantasy. He’s likely never been around black males and doesn’t know he’s being offensive. All he has to go on is what he’s seen or heard on gay interracial porn. Forgive him. But first you should’ve hate-fucked him and called him your white slut and your white whore. Then afterwards, when he started calling or texting you, you should’ve played it cool. He would’ve begged you for more.
Good for you for not playing along with the hierarchical gay scale. It’s tedious to say the least. So much time, which could be spent having good sex, is lost.
5’10 170lb and 8 uncut? If he’s a top I’m sold. I don’t care what the race/ethnicity is lol
I’m an Asian that (SHOCK!) likes/prefers Asians. This article was your typical ‘why don’t white guys like asians’ that Potato Queens usually write about. I have to roll my eyes at all these White Boy Chasing Gaysians. Everyone is entitled to their preferences, but how desperate a lot of Gaysians become just to get a White guy is pretty pathetic. I ask other Asians, why do you not like other Asian men? Common answer is that they don’t other Asians attractive. Well gosh, try looking in a mirror. I guess you don’t find yourself attractive then eh? Well then don’t expect anyone to find you attractive if you don’t see it yourself.
Also, if you’re a tall, muscular, really good looking Asian guy, you have a really high chance with dating a good looking White guy. The White Boy chasing Asians I’ve seen were not good looking AT ALL, and a crappy personality to match, so those are also big factors. Sorry if my post seems bitter, but I’m highly annoyed at my fellow Asian men who desperately chase White guys. Fortunately, ‘sticky rice’ Asians are becoming even more common in America.
well said
I think generally you will find the majority of guys look to stay in their own family, aka their own race or even nationality. So if you go on a predominantly white app like Grindr, you’re going to find mostly white guys looking for other white guys. There is and never has been any accounting for taste. People gonna like what they like. And you will find there are white guys who like black guys exclusively. I have a dear friend who has worked his way through half a dozen Japanese men. Not Chinese. Not Malaysians. Japanese exclusively. Don’t ask. But if you’re an Asian gay man who is into white guys (I won’t harp on the irony of your complaint here) you’re doing the right thing. Go where the white guys are and put yourself out there. There are some (like me) who are open to any type (except anything that even half way resembles the last guy who broke my heart). Stay positive and try to smile. Being angry or bitter will never get anyone to stick around. Just sayin’. Now go back in there and try some more.
We just need to accept that every person has their own preferences and we need to respect that. You just need to find your right match, there will always be a lot of people out there, you just need to be open. If that white guy you message is not interested, move on.
The White guy may have more people who want him, but his chance of finding true love is no different from any one else.
^Best comment yet.
I think I support the Russian hackers on this one. You guys need to be saved from yourselves. I’m really glad gay people are fast becoming part of the macro-culture. This subcultural parochial bullshit is really racist and sickening. Get over yourselves. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So try beholding something other than Grindr and mass market notions of what you should like. Do you really need Grindr to validate your reality? Read a book.
Ugly and or pudgy white men get no attention either, even cute and pudgy.
I’d disagree, I use Scruff and Growlr to chat to friends (I’m 50 and married to a white bearish guy).
Travelling through Hong Kong I was hit on far more than I am in London. And it was by locals, not expats.
(omitted to say, I’m white)
Attraction goes both ways. This article laments the fact that many gay Whites are not attracted to Asians however many Asians are attracted to White and not many other races/ethnicities. Through experience and readings, I believe that preference is formed by culture, mass media, Hollywood, perceptions and personal experience.
Asians are attracted to older white men because it is a learned behavior gleaned from their own culture and Hollywood/Mass media that is to say: Whites = money + fun + elevated social status and other “benefits” that Mass Media has fed them over the years: This is known as the White Knight Syndrome (WKS). To be fair many straight Asian Females are also afflicted with WKS. They want their Straight White Knights as well.
Many Americans gay and straight see Asians males as effeminate, docile, nerdy and asexual; this is what we have been taught by Mass Media/ Hollywood and TV therefore many Americans do not want that “type”. The older whites who can no longer get young Americans “naturally” go for the young Asians who cannot for the “most part” get Whites ( with a little dough) their own age. This has been going on for decades and will not end soon. Of course there are standard deviations (exceptions) but these are not the norm.
As a white guy who gets rejected 50-70% of the time, I think this only applies to HOT white guys… compare an avg asian to an avg white guy and the gap will not be as big… I think…
Sometimes it’s not the race per se that’s the issue, but certain traits we seek. I like hairy guys and didn’t generally go for Asian guys because the ones I saw were all advertising how smooth they were. Luckily I discovered that there are many varieties of Asians, and many of them are hairy.
So we should all explore a little further. Our ideas about certain racial traits aren’t always correct.