Who doesn’t like being a hot white guy? You’re pretty much a Greek god in the gay community and there really isn’t anybody you can’t get. For others, you often find “no asians, no blacks” in dating profiles, which shows how racist and white-centric gay dating can be.
You see, there’s a totem pole of races in the gay community, with white people at the very top. It sorta goes like this: White, Latino (honorary whites), Mixed, Asian, Black, Indian, etc. This hierarchy is responsible for all kinds of phenomena in the gay world. Take, for example, the fact that Asian-White couples often consist of an older white guy with a younger Asian. Or at the very least, an Asian who’s substantially more attractive than his white counterpart. It’s never the other way around.
The bias extends to pop culture. When was the last time you saw an Asian Abercrombie model? All of the main characters on Queer as Folk were white. Heck, all the main characters in the latest HBO gay drama Looking are white even though the show is set in San Francisco where a third of gays are Asian. And of course, how can we forget about gay porn?
And so I wanted to find out for myself what every gay Asian knows – no matter how hot or young you are, you’ll suffer the inevitable Asian “discount” that’s applied when you hit the dating/hookup market. What better way than on the most shameless, unapologetic, and narcissistic venue: Grindr.
The Asian vs. White Grindr Experiment
Who’s hotter?
I whipped out two phones, loaded Grindr, and put two similar looking jocks to the test: 28, 5’10”, 170lbs, muscular, 8”uc. What’s not to like? Their profiles were exactly the same except one was Asian and the other white. I carried around the two phones for a week to different cities and here’s what happened.
Raw uncut data
So being Asian my whole life, I finally know how it feels to be a hot white guy for a week. The white guy comfortably gets 1.5 – 2x more messages than the Asian. There’s no other conclusion than it’s great to be white. You’ve got twice as many guys lined up ready to suck you off or get pounded by you.
Another thing you notice is that there are many hot guys who are simply off limits to Asians. Here’s one guy I tried to message as the Asian and it didn’t get very far. Gays love to use the “not my type” excuse as cover for any number of prejudicial preferences. When I message the same dude as the white guy, and I instantly get cockshots, details on how much he wants to pound my ass, and whether I can host.
As a hot white guy, you can expect a near 100% reply rate. In fact, you wind up with the problem that more guys are messaging you in a day than you can realistically sleep with in a month. This explains why as a white guy you can get away with being a complete douchebag. Why would you waste your time with anyone other than the cream of the crop? And why settle down when you can have an endless stream of orgies?
As an Asian, you can only hope to be so lucky to get the pleasure of a response. Just for fun, I sent a fellow Asian a message as the white guy. He thought it was some kind of joke, like I was a white guy coming to the back of the bus.
Conclusion
If you’re a hot white guy, keep on doing what you do best – being white. You’ve got it made until your skin starts to sag. But not to worry, you’ll still have younger Asians flocking to you.
If you’re not white, the only real solution to this problem is to pray to god that you’re born white next time. There’s an inherent bias against us and you need to know for all intents and purposes, you have no realistic chance of dating a hot white guy your own age. Changing the mentality of a whole community doesn’t happen overnight, and it certainly won’t happen in your generation.
Trying being a bear that likes “chasers”. Other bears or cubs call you shallow finding a “chaser” that actually messages you back on growler is rare. At least for me it is. As you stated in your post, they are probably getting messaged by the cream of the crop of bears and why would they bother.
I think you need to go to biggercity.com.
”I’m an Asian that (SHOCK!) likes/prefers Asians. This article was your typical ‘why don’t white guys like asians’ that Potato Queens usually write about. I have to roll my eyes at all these White Boy Chasing Gaysians. Everyone is entitled to their preferences, but how desperate a lot of Gaysians become just to get a White guy is pretty pathetic. I ask other Asians, why do you not like other Asian men? Common answer is that they don’t other Asians attractive. Well gosh, try looking in a mirror. I guess you don’t find yourself attractive then eh? Well then don’t expect anyone to find you attractive if you don’t see it yourself”
THIS! I’m an Asian as well. Who loves other Asians! (That seems to be rare nowadays. Since so many Asians in America are slaves to white dick) In fact i love all guys of color. Why the hell are you only chasing white guys? this article reeks of utter desperation. When is the last time you messed a black guy? or an Asian guy? probably never huh? too busy chasing those asshole white boy. Have fun with that you brainwashed fool.
OMG. thank you. i dont think anyone could have written a better response than you and thank you for your asian point of view. i was getting all hot and mad thinking all amazing asian guys out there were this self loathing and desperate! glad some of you know how amazing you are!
it is ridiculous for anyone to call a sexual prefference, racist or discrimination. I’m not attracted to woman, so does that make me sexist? You have a chip on your shoulder!!
Thanks for the article and interesting comments. The energy around this speaks for itself. I am white and considered myself pretty open when it came to dating and such. However, I recently attended a college for three years with a student body of urban black men and women. I had no idea how much white privilege defines me. It is a political/social/cultural construct that is all around me.
Again, thanks for stirring the pot. It is the only way I know to raise awareness. “The last thing a fish is aware of is the water it swims in.”
Someone has too much time on their hands. Really? How about instead of pursuing your racist fantasies of a white man, you go for a hot Asian man, since they are, according to you, sssssooooooo easy to obtain. Racist and superficial article all the way around.
the reasons why people dont like asians is actually that they are wellknown for having a small cock and most of the time ugly, yes, but if you look globally in general, 90% of the world civilization is ugly stupid and dumb, they cannot even take proparly care of themselves….they desire things that is much better than themelves, they even try to make contact even if the person is out of their leagues, what do you mean, we do not create war, what do you think a war actually is…..
you turned ugly, because you are too stupid to take care of your body in a healthy way, and then you (sexually) harrass someone who is much more handsome than you are? where is the logic in this, this is called a mentally illness that you create to defend yourself from attacks like this.
And yes half of the world is asian ( THANK YOU UGLY CHINESE BITCHES!), why dont we try to chnge the law for the whole world, UGLY PEOPLE ARE RESTRICTED FROM GETTING CHILDREN IN A NATURAL WAY!
brandon: Save the world by kiling yourself (preferably by getting AIDS)
I’d love to see this done with a Black or Indian profile.
Sure being a hot, muscled white guy is going to be popular. But being an average looking white guy is going to receive the same disinterest as being Asian or Indian. I dropped some weight and get heaps more messages now than I did before.
Also, no idea why Black would be lower on anyone’s list. I’d prefer Mediterranean or Black over white any day. Gay couples who look identical to each other are ridiculous.
i think I have lots better things to do, look those comments just made me feel want to laugh out.
This article is deeply flawed, both from a research perspective and the analysis of such. First of all, it is not accurate to say “two equally hot guys” because there is no such thing. Everyone has different tastes, so while two guys might be “equally hot” for one person, they wont be for someone else.
It’s also not prejudicial to have preferences for who you want to get naked and physically intimate with. The arguments some people make, that its racist to have racial preferences for whom you are sexually interested in are not very compelling. That said, it is somewhat racist to blatantly advertise one’s specific tastes on a profile in a way that might make some people feel discriminated against. Its much simpler and more polite to just ignore the people who write you that you’re not interested in.
We all have different tastes for physical attractiveness across a broad spectrum of criterion. We cannot be sexually attracted to whom we are not sexually attracted to just because it hurts some people’s feelings, as where would we even begin to draw such a line? To say that it is racist to not be attracted to a certain “race” is basically the same as saying that we have a choice about our sexuality in general. Whom we find sexually attractive amongst a given gender is not a choice for us anymore than it is a choice for us of which gender(s) we find sexually attractive.
Personal preferences on what we choose to do with our own bodies, such as who we fuck and what we eat are off limits for any kind of politically correct analysis, because our “tastes” are our own and our right to be so.
As long as we treat everyone of all races equally in terms of their humanity and our non-sexual interactions with them, there’s nothing wrong with being picky about who we will fuck.
Yeah, I don’t buy this “personal preference” thing. Why not? I’ve had too much experience as a person of mixed race. I’ve been chatted up and exchanged pictures with people on various sites to the point where it’s clear that someone is, in fact, attracted to me. But then some of them are compelled to ask the “what’s the mix?” question. I’ve discovered that if I say “white/latino” then they are all set to meet, but “white/black”, nope, not going to happen.
That’s not a “personal preference” thing. That’s a racism thing because they have a certain idea of what it means to be a particular label. If you are attracted to someone and then suddenly aren’t because you discover they are black or part black, then that’s a mental decision.
There’s a difference between “I look at everyone but send to go through these particular groups/features” and “I don’t date blacks, asians, etc.”
And, as many people have noted, much of what we find attractive is heavily influenced by the media we’re exposed to. I had a professor who, in the 50s, was given pictures of women to rate as attractive or not. The testers were especially interested in him because, unlike his peers, he had said a black woman was attractive. What was the main difference between him and the others? He hadn’t been exposed to very much television.
On the other hand, we have to remember that most of these sites are about hooking up regardless of why people say they are there. That in and of itself turns it into an on-demand, menu-driven services where people are looking for very specific and often narrow types to hook up with.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that people will often hook up with people online that they wouldn’t in a club because their peers are not seeing who they’re going home with. Some people won’t hook up with a black guy in a club, but will pick him up online. Peer pressure.
I would ask if you’re a top/bottom or versatile. How do the guys you’re trying to meet online identify? Do you look more white or black? No studies on this have been done that I know of but there are white tops who won’t top a black/mixed man but will bottom for him. In this pyramid I’m talking about blacks are at the top of the “tops” pyramid but at the bottom of the “bottoms ” pyramid.
Sad truth in the gay scene. Very obvious in DC. Though I think the order in the DC area is mostly… White, Mixed/Latino/Asian, Indian, Black…
I’m Asian and in the gay apps I used to get messages a lot. I have to admit that I had a phase that I was only into asians/mixed, then only into whites, then only into latinos. But pretty much after dating several guys I’m actually happily in the arms of a black guy and he became the reason to delete all those apps. Really I hate the old me for categorizing guys before by the color of their skin, I hope everyone will soon have that realization that what’s important is not someone’s race but instead personality, some physical attraction, and of course chemistry.
As a white man I have to agree with this analysis. There is an extreme bias towards Asian men which I cannot understand at all. Personally I find Asian men far hotter and personable than most white guys I meet on Grindr but again…it’s never fair to paint with a broad brush. Just my experience. While I have empathy for Asian men I also feel like I’ve won the lotto! More for me. And yes…I’m a 40 something white dude. But…have always loved Asian guys. If you don’t? You’re missing out…nicest lovers you’ll ever meet.
To me this sounds like an experiment that an Asian man did that just so happens to also be bitter towards white men. Everyone has their preferences no matter your race, gender or whether you like men or women. Everyone’s opinion on what they find “attractive” is also different. Some people prefer “jocks”, some people are also known to be “chubby chasers” and prefer their sexual partners to be on the heavier side. Every race has its “more attractive” end and also has it’s “less attractive” end as well but what it comes down to is personal preference and matter of opinion.
I wonder where Middle Eastern men fall and how they are perceived? They clearly are not white…
On Chemistry they have racial category boxes you can check that you’re looking for, or just click the “any race” box.
I’ve seen people have all of them checked *except* black/african american, so in these cases it seems that middle eastern, indian, and latino are all higher up on the desirability tree …
*halfway there (funny typo)
As a queer woman, I’ve lately been encountering other queer Asian Americans telling me they don’t date “the same race,” i.e. other Asian Americans or Asians. One girl I was interested in was like, “Sorry, but I like white girls.” I was like, “I’m half-white!” “Hehe, you’re half-where there!” She’s from Vancouver and said that Asians have too similar culture and facial features.
Then there was the gay Asian boy I sort of had a crush on. I told him, “If I were straight, I’d have a massive crush on you.” He said the same back to me. He’s an Asian American from Hawaii. This was around the same time he told me he’s not interested in Asian Americans because the culture is too similar.
More recently, a Californian Chinese American I was mutually interested in told me she doesn’t want to date the same race because she wants mixed babies and wants to represent racial mixing to the world. I was like, then why did you date X? And Y? And Z? “Okay, I guess what I meant is I don’t want to marry someone of the same race. But Y is Korean. Although you’re right, I’ve been thinking about not dating Koreans either.” And then when I said that I inherently represent racial mixing since I’m half-Chinese and half-white, she was like, “Yeah, you should be a role model for how a hapa should look.”
The third one was a bit weird. I will tell ya something, as a half-Chinese/half-white person, I have never heard anyone I was remotely interested in tell me that they were only interested in dating Asians/Asian Americans/blacks/Latinas. I see these people as a bit misguided. I don’t think they’d really turn down dating someone of the same race. Maybe on OKC, but IRL? Anyway, I’m not the same race as any of them, and it would just be bizarre if someone like me were to say such a thing. Like I even have an option of only dating people who are half-white and half-Chinese or half-Asian.
Sounds like you’re just really bitter. But before blaming white people for being racist because they’re not into Asians… Who are YOU into? Are YOU into Asians? Because it sounds like you’re just going after white guys too. Your case study is also bullshit. It’s only natural for people to be attracted to their own race. It’s perfectly normal. So what is wrong with a white guy being attracted to someone who is white? There’s nothing wrong with that preference.
So tell me… Are YOU into white guys?
This article is really irritating, ignorant and misinformed. Did you know know in Asia the same thing happens to white, black and other ethnicities?
They even have slang for Asian guys who only get with Asian guys, Asian guys who only get with white guys and white guys that only get with Asian guys? In Japan there are Japanese only gay bars..There are black guys who only get with black guys. Considering that the western viewpoint you’re looking into has a huge majority white population in it, haven’t you considered the fact that your data is totally skewed? Sorry to say you are grossly misinformed. Also, while we’re at it, why be all bitter about this? People are more attracted to some ethnicities more than others, that doesn’t mean your racist. If this comment confuses you, try and think of those who ONLY get with another ethnicity. A clear cliche example, the hot white high school chick for a thing for black guys…
I’m a 31yo Indian man born and raised in India, living in the United States for the last seven years. I’m in a monoandrous relationship with a gorgeous 24yo white man. I don’t consider myself to be classically handsome, I’m chubby and got an average length, thicker-than-average endowment. I’ve had my share of one night stands (236 to be precise) through grindr and other hooking up platforms and I have got messages from and/or hooked up with men of all shapes, sizes and colors – pretty much anyone under 45. If anything, living in a small tourist town in Texas, my Indianness has increased my appeal in the hookup pool lol. Because of the demographics of where I live, a vast majority of the men I’ve hooked up with have been white and I do find white and indian men to be my top preference. I’m sure racism exists in the gay dating pool; I just feel I’ve been lucky enough not to have been a direct target of it. Also, some people might not like me saying it, but we like what we like. We want equality for all, no doubt, but I do want to spend my life with someone I find attractive – physically and intellectually. A white guy doesn’t “have to” like an Asian or black man and vice versa. I don’t want to be a white man’s charity or sympathy fuck.
To the author of the original post: if a white guy (or any guy for that matter) doesn’t respond to you or is not “into” you for being Asian, I’d say good riddance. You’re quite attractive and smart and there’ll always be someone right for you.
Just for the record Black Americans are not really using Grindr as they are using Jackd or A4A Radar. I’m bothered by “honorary whites” for latinos when you are basically saying that they are “honorary blacks” based on the color of their skin. I think the gay culture is burdened with race issues and they aren’t often discussed, but to put us all on a scale is in regard to what you perceive an Asian. Stereotypical people see Asian gay men as bottoms or dudes with dicks so little they can’t. Is this justified? Of course not but I havent done the necessary research to oft-put this theory. I suggest maybe you try this with different races, all the same body types, different geographical areas, and see what the results are. This is a one sided POV so the results seem limited, but great post you are on to something.
it depends on how you carry /take care of yourself. i’m 40 year old asian but people think i’m 20. i have white co-workers who are 25 but looked like 50 and fat. i am happy of who i am and have no insecurities of other races.
I can’t argue with you on this but your outlook is wrong. You seem upset that you don’t get enough attention like one guy isnt enough, and that the guys that are into you aren’t good enough for you. Im a caucasian guy attracted to guys of different races including white and asian, so i’m familiar with, and benefit from, this ‘asian discount’ depressing though it is.
Asian men chase white men too. Stop making race a fetish. That includes you.
Everyone wants to marry a white guy, but get fucked by a black guy. It’s all really bizarre, and truly fucked up. Makes me sick.
This article was as ignorant as they come. People like who they like. There is no totem pole. White guys are seen as more attractive because the images we see in society relating to sex and attractiveness are usually white, but there’s no evidence that they experience more sexual encounters and there’s no hierarchy of minorities. And the fact that you put darker skinned people (Blacks and Indians who are also Asian by the way) at the bottom of you’re imaginary totem is indicative of you’re own racial prejudice. Not to mention, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so you have to go with people who find you attractive, so if the asian you used is getting turned down, or not responded to as much, maybe your asking the wrong people. Did you have the asian guy message other asian or perhaps black guys, or are they too low on the totem pole for you to consider for your experiment? Also, callings Latinos “honorary whites” is disrespectful to their native heritage and just plan ignorant. And what’s with the shade towards 40 year old white dudes? I don’t even have words for that.But I will say this, making statements like “If you’re not white, the only real solution to this problem is to pray to god that you’re born white next time,” shows that you’re insecure about who you are and prejudice towards your own people and other minorities for that matter. And you better believe that if there is a totem pole of attractiveness, insecure people are definitely near the bottom.
It’s not as simple as “people like who they like.” There is a REASON people “like what they like.” It’s called conditioning–and it’s really, really fucked up.
I did mention images in society…