Who doesn’t like being a hot white guy? You’re pretty much a Greek god in the gay community and there really isn’t anybody you can’t get. For others, you often find “no asians, no blacks” in dating profiles, which shows how racist and white-centric gay dating can be.
You see, there’s a totem pole of races in the gay community, with white people at the very top. It sorta goes like this: White, Latino (honorary whites), Mixed, Asian, Black, Indian, etc. This hierarchy is responsible for all kinds of phenomena in the gay world. Take, for example, the fact that Asian-White couples often consist of an older white guy with a younger Asian. Or at the very least, an Asian who’s substantially more attractive than his white counterpart. It’s never the other way around.
The bias extends to pop culture. When was the last time you saw an Asian Abercrombie model? All of the main characters on Queer as Folk were white. Heck, all the main characters in the latest HBO gay drama Looking are white even though the show is set in San Francisco where a third of gays are Asian. And of course, how can we forget about gay porn?
And so I wanted to find out for myself what every gay Asian knows – no matter how hot or young you are, you’ll suffer the inevitable Asian “discount” that’s applied when you hit the dating/hookup market. What better way than on the most shameless, unapologetic, and narcissistic venue: Grindr.
The Asian vs. White Grindr Experiment
Who’s hotter?
I whipped out two phones, loaded Grindr, and put two similar looking jocks to the test: 28, 5’10”, 170lbs, muscular, 8”uc. What’s not to like? Their profiles were exactly the same except one was Asian and the other white. I carried around the two phones for a week to different cities and here’s what happened.
Raw uncut data
So being Asian my whole life, I finally know how it feels to be a hot white guy for a week. The white guy comfortably gets 1.5 – 2x more messages than the Asian. There’s no other conclusion than it’s great to be white. You’ve got twice as many guys lined up ready to suck you off or get pounded by you.
Another thing you notice is that there are many hot guys who are simply off limits to Asians. Here’s one guy I tried to message as the Asian and it didn’t get very far. Gays love to use the “not my type” excuse as cover for any number of prejudicial preferences. When I message the same dude as the white guy, and I instantly get cockshots, details on how much he wants to pound my ass, and whether I can host.
As a hot white guy, you can expect a near 100% reply rate. In fact, you wind up with the problem that more guys are messaging you in a day than you can realistically sleep with in a month. This explains why as a white guy you can get away with being a complete douchebag. Why would you waste your time with anyone other than the cream of the crop? And why settle down when you can have an endless stream of orgies?
As an Asian, you can only hope to be so lucky to get the pleasure of a response. Just for fun, I sent a fellow Asian a message as the white guy. He thought it was some kind of joke, like I was a white guy coming to the back of the bus.
Conclusion
If you’re a hot white guy, keep on doing what you do best – being white. You’ve got it made until your skin starts to sag. But not to worry, you’ll still have younger Asians flocking to you.
If you’re not white, the only real solution to this problem is to pray to god that you’re born white next time. There’s an inherent bias against us and you need to know for all intents and purposes, you have no realistic chance of dating a hot white guy your own age. Changing the mentality of a whole community doesn’t happen overnight, and it certainly won’t happen in your generation.
I am a black man. I have had sex with all except Indian and that is only because I haven’t found one yet lol
I’ve read this article about 3 times and the comments I strongly agree that we are conditioned to like white guys because of the media. Is the media really to blame? Or do we blame the parents of the little racist bastard?
I don’t care what you say rejecting someone based on the color of their skin is racist. Duh!!!
No matter if you try to cover it up with “not my type” you suck because you’re racist. Lol
Because white people know they are stereotypically hot, they do stupid shit that makes me very angry. And it makes me unattracted to them sometimes.
I rarely get messages from people on grindr. Is it because I’m not white? I think so
Fuck I’m not attractive because I was born black.
“It’s the smell and taste” you’re an idiot. Cleanliness has to do with the individual not the whole race. Lmao must be white. SEE!?
This is a dumb study by some angry asian. As a latino man, I like to sleep with other latino guys. it is ok to want to sleep with people who look like you and which you share traits with. It is normal. What is NOT ok and NOT normal is to be of a certain race and think that only white guys are hot. It is NOT normal for asians to debase themselves by trying to date only white guys. It is NOT normal for some black guys that basically flat out say they want to sleep with whites only. And it is NOT natural when latinos do it either. Have some self respect. When I was on the market, I slept with people from every race, but obviously you tend to gravitate by those with same life experiences and looks. And I had some asian, white, and black guys who fell in love with me as well, but I really did not have much in common with them to begin with. I am just really glad that for the last 10 years I haven’t had to play the grindr game nor any of the stupid things that one has to do to date.
Gr8 point of view on the asian…But I totally disagree. (I’m asian btw). Once we first come out, “white” is the go-to default. As we age with wisdom and comfort, that race bracket is so untrue. The only “preference” is based on our “mental connection”, a.k.a. “vibe” with the other regardless of the race. In the end it simply comes down to “confidence” when judged. BOOM!!! Lol
I understand the author’s thesis, and his study probably confirms what everyone expected anyway; so, for the sake of the argument, let’s assume his thesis is correct: When Grindr users are formed into a single group, that group sends more messages (i.e. is more attracted) to a “white” standard than its “Asian” counterpart.
I assume the point of the study was to expose latent racism in the gay community and, I assume, to condemn it. At face value, the study may be successful in this endeavour, but I suggest a more careful reading of the article shows the author has unfortunately (for him) presented contradicting theses and has written himself into a corner of hypocracy.
I assume the author is proudly gay or is at least supportive of the right of men to have sex with other men, without taking moral issue with the behaviour. I think most gays/gay supporters would be in the same boat.
Herein lies the problem: how can the author justify supporting a man’s discrimination against female sexual partners, but not against Asian partners? What’s the difference? (Not, of couse, between females and Asians, as victims of prejudice, but between a single man’s discrimination against a potential female partner or a potential Asian partner?)
If the author is suggesting anyone who says he usually isn’t attracted to Asians is racist, is he not also suggesting anyone who says he usually isn’t attracted to women is sexist? A gay man could claim he’s genetically pre-disposed to like white sexual partners, the same as he’s genetically pre-disposed to like men.
What’s the difference?
I would have sex with a woman if she had big, hard pecs instead of tits, a nice, thick cock instead of a vagina, and a healthy dose of chest hair.
I would have sex with Kellan Lutz if he was Asain. And I would have sex with any Asian guy that looks like Kellan Lutz. That’s discriminating, but not prejudiced.
@Chris …wrong, wrong, wrong why are so many making a false analogy, a false comparison between a genetic predisposition concerning human sexuality and and a supposedly predisposition for “racial” attraction of all things ! There is scientific studies that hints at a gay predisposition or gay gene however there is no study that hints at any predisposition of sexual attraction based on race/ethnicity. Indeed racism and discrimination is alive and having quite a fun time all over Asia, the USA. Of course many gay Asians in the USA are as guilty of rampant racism as Whites they lust after. However it appears that many Gay Asians in the USA and Canada are full of self-loathing, self-hatred longing to be lifted up by their glorious White Knight….I don’t see this intense pathological type of White- Man-god worship in the Hispanic, Black and even White communities ( Whites love to date each other no self hatred there, Blacks dates blacks , Latinos date Latino) and Asians in the USA continue to Worship their White Knights.
“Of course many gay Asians in the USA are as guilty of rampant racism as Whites ”
Wrong. Racism is a system of oppression that targets specific people based on their race to put them at a disadvantage. White people will never be put at a systematic disadvantage for being white. Sure, Asians can be prejudiced as much as Black people towards whites due to being jaded from racism of white supremacy but that doesn’t make them racist. Asians and other non-white people will never gain power under the white supremacy the Western world subjugates everyone under. Do us a favour and maybe educate yourself by reading bell hooks and maybe watch the movie, “Dear White People”.
only an Asian would have this issue. How is it wrong to be attracted to your own race??? I feel like your not attracted to Asians either, or why would you keep putting yourself out there to get shot down by white guys. We don’t get to choose who we are attracted to in life just like we don’t get to choose to be gay or straight. Grow up and find a way to be happy with what you have.
YES! best, most straight to the point comment i have seen
Haha I shouldn’t have gotten too curious and read all these posts. It kinda makes me depressed when looking at the whole scene. I’ve had some experiences trying to find a date and I must say it’s true that a group screaming for equality and acceptance from others is the group that has the most discriminating individuals. Sad.
The experiment above is only top of the iceberg. When you break it down, the Asian guys with insanely fit bodies are on top of the hierarchy, other Asian guys with anything besides huge pecs, 6 pack abs are relegated to the bottom.
Go to Asia and survey how many guys prefer whites over Asians — most will unashamedly. The “discrimination” will be more blantant too. The attraction isn’t just phsysiolocal, it also has to do with behaviour and perception of higher wealth and status. You can’t lobby for people to change their sexual chemistry.
You can raise social consciousness and have hope that people will realize that what they considered fixed biologically has “sexual chemistry” is a myth. It’s a product of social design called hegemony.
If you’re the Asian in the picture…I would drink a gallon of your piss just so I could get the opportunity to see where it comes from LOL.
DONT EVER FEEL DOWN ABOUT YOURSELF, I have had them all and Asians are always #1 on my list!!!
Who said we were feeling down about ourselves? You white people are the ones missing out anyway! And we don’t need your approbation for anything! We’re good!
I am mixed, like really mixed, 3 different Asians, German and Spanish. Back home I considered myself just Islander, but I see Islander as Asian now since I have moved here to the states.
The nice thing about being mixed, you get to look young for basically about forever. I am mostly Asian so I do now associate myself with being Mixed/Asian. I do see many hot white guys, but I know when they hit close to their 40’s, it’s down hill from there.
Currently, I have a really gorgeous younger than me white guy as my current counterpart. Like some one you said, its about the click and probably the social setting that can attract you to someone. We have similar interest, and we talked about why we were attracted to each other. Simply put it this way, we are total opposites but we felt that there was something greater than Physical appearance, and that is key.
Good luck to any persons, race, color, you don’t stay young forever, best to have an open mind ^_^
Speak yourself , I am in my late forties, muscular with a body that outshines most twenty years and get attention from all these early twenty something kids, way way too young for me. I want somebody my own age. I am saying this not to toot my own horn or praise myself ,rather because I hate this thing that says once you hit forty you should just do crossword puzzles and drink prune juice. You will become what you believe. If you think you are over the hill at forty you will become so.
The problem is, the comment that white guys have “got it made” until they reach their mid 40s and “get fat and ugly” just shows that the author has bought into the same superficial bill of goods we’ve all been sold. We all may have certain physical preferences – those are real, but also malleable. But true attraction can also come from an intellectual and spiritual connection that transcends those things. My boyfriend is chubby and has gap teeth like a jack-o-lantern, and I can’t imagine anyone sexier to me. Yet I never would have chosen his photo from an online profile. Let’s ALL work to open up our eyes, our hearts, and our minds – we’ll be happier for it.
So… People should feel bad about what they prefer? I’m sick of this bullshit- knowing what gets your dick hard isn’t racism, it’s knowing what you want. Next you should bitch about how straight guys need to stop being bigots and start fucking dudes too.
No…..the point is that the power imbalance and discrimination towards an entire race within an already minority group in 2014 is absurd and appalling, you fucking simpleton.
“You’ve got it made until you reach your mid 40s at which point you’ll gradually get fat and ugly.”
Says a lot about the perspective of this writer. I’d do some self reflection before attempting to assess the flaws in the LGBT community.
This is true until you stop thinking that white is right and you are lessor or wrong! Be the change you want to see.
I actually made a hook up site change their race listing from have “white” first and made them put them in alphabetical order with Asain being first.
22yr old white guy currently dating a 28yr old Chinese guy and I’m obsessed with him. We’re both fairly good looking, and IDK why anyone would chase only after white guys. Too boring. Serve me some diversity any day.
I think the truth of the matter is a lot of Asians and ethnic minorities are too afraid of making white people angry with them to tell the truth and be honest to themselves and others about the real racism they actually do receive from white people via online dating and hooking up.
I’m a size queen who is into Asians. Does that make me a masochist?
While seemingly trivial, this is one of the aspects of daily living that have a real and palpable impact on the lives of many gay men. It’s just not valid to discredit him simply because of the method he chose to collect data or his ethnic background. Straight white people do this all the time in mostly successful attempts to silence the voices of people stuck on the losing side of power imbalances.
I’ve noticed a few common threads of responses to this article:
“You’re just bitching” or “attraction DOES exist and we like what we like”- very likely a response from someone white and/or high on this “totem pole”. Every response in this vein attempts only one thing: to shut down the conversation. Motives, we can only assume… As for those who cry attraction, you lack reflection and analytic skills to give you enough insight to reflect on WHY we are predisposed to certain preferences not explained by biology.
“No, so and so race IS attractive!” – likely coming from member of said race or someone attracted to said race. This also doesn’t help the conversation because it tries to minimize something very real. Yes, SOME people find so and so race attractive, but it is rare (esp in gays) when someone doesn’t find a reasonable white person attractive.
And then the worst of them all: the ones arguing about the order of the totem pole. Not only are you implicitly agreeing with the order of things and reinforcing white superiority, but you’re racing to the bottom. “No, WE’RE second best!”
I also don’t particularly like the way it was written, especially when he does things like using “cream of the crop” synonymously with “hot white guy.” Interestingly though, the language reveals more about himself than anyone or group; how deeply indoctrinated he is in white superiority. At least he’s trying.
And yes, it’s all true: the media, social status, power, history, and stereotypes all form and perpetuate these differences.
That is all
Hear hear, well said!
Hear hear!
This author seems very hypocritical to me. He makes the farcical assumption that there is one, monolithic definition of “hot,” and doesn’t even deign to talk about those don’t meet this standard. The feelings of these individuals presumably don’t matter to the author, but they get far more mistreatment than any “hottie” of any race, as do people over 40. And if you think that people in their mid-40s are likely to be fat and ugly, you are truly shallow and ignorant.
I’m glad you’ve bought this issue to light and quite actually appreciate the social experiment-research.
I’m a bisexual Asian guy, come from a media criticism background where I did a little research in general on this topic before:
You mentioned the lack of Asian men in shows like Queer As Folk and Looking… I think this is the same reason why there are a lack of male Asian roles in film/TV in general (though this is slooooowly getting better). And generally, Asian character roles are “whitewashed” (The Last Airbender, Dragonball Evolution, 21, etc), creating a glass ceiling for Asian actor roles. Likewise, Asian women on the otherhand, are usually exoticized.
Asians are actually better looked at and more desired in the gay community than they are in the straight community (where men are stereotyped as sexless, “small” in both package and height, nerdy, etc). Certainly, you’ll find in porn too, interracial hookups involving Asian men aren’t too common (drastically, even moreso in straight porn).
Anyway, I think media portrayal is a part of that. In straight communities, I find that women are more likely to find Asian men desirable if they consume Asian media (anime, Korean soap operas, Asian music groups, etc), providing a more open outlook. Likewise, like Asian media in America, gay culture isn’t entirely mainstream either, and for this reason, generally consist of more openminded people… but it may be some mainstream ideas of stereotype still trickle and permeate into affecting ideas of Asians within this community too. Of course, this could be said about any race facing mainstream stereotypes, and plenty more could be added to this discussion of “white privilege”.
Older men with younger Asian guys is something I notice too (I’ll admit I’ve been there once too); I dunno the reason for it, but the impression I get is that the Asian is probably not the “pants” of the relation. As with straight relation stereotypes, Asian women are viewed as “submissive” (cute little China dolls), and this might be a similar case of stereotype with gay Asian men too.
Anyway, as a bi Asian, I’ll say I find gay hookups (with any ethnicity) significantly easier than straight (partly because gay men are more sexually liberal than straight women, but also that straight women probably have aforementioned stereotypes of Asian men). But definitely, I’ll notice in the majority of my gay hookups that my ethnicity is often quickly bought up as a major factor (“I only go for Asians” etc).
This is the dumbest trash I have read in a while written by an angry, jealous, bitter queen who worships a white dick.
Yeah I am Indian. I am no longer trolling on grinder but when I get on it I get like tons of messages a day. No one ever dropped out after I told them my ethnicity or I can count the drop outs on my 10 fingers in my engine dating life.
*Entire* not engine.
And the tiny minority who dropped out cause of my ethnicity usually are uneducated morons. They actually did me a favor by saving my time. Cause had I met them, I would have been the one who would have dropped them after seeing who they really are.
If you are looking for self-validation, maybe grindr is not the place to go…
You haven’t identified the problem, but only a scapegoat.
I have 2 phones and I did exactly the same with this, my pics; headless, shirtless and I’ve got no ass on the Asian one. This is awfully true, and I’ve tried to explain this to rice queens (Whites who like Asians) and they kinda don’t believe me.
How did Latinos become honorary whites? Watch the movie Quincenera to see how white we are. Watch a latino fan club porno movie that depicts us as thugs and produced by white gays. Ti say that we are honorary white is as ignorant as saying that all Asians are Chinese.A Latino could look like Laz alonzo or Benicia Del Torro. We come in many colors. I personally don’t need to find a white man to validate my life. While I am open to them and have dated a couple is not my main focus in life. I have run into grindr Asian profiles that say no black or Latino. I had a fling with a Chinese guy. One day his we ran into his white friends and he quickly distanced himself from me. I obviously was a danger to his status with his white friends. I also got @ stinging racist rebuke from an Asian on grindr. Do I care? No. This article is idiotic. I feel little sympathy for Asian gays.
So I have the trifecta of what is considered unattractive; black,old(60 years), and significantly overweight, (350 lbs), but I still get hot guys of all races, who want to be my son. I am not delusional, a guy who looks like Channing Tatum is going have 30x the sexual opportunities than I am going to have, and I say more power to them. It is not necessary for me to have most sexual conquests, people are attracted to me for who I am. I am not in control of the people who find old, fat, black men unattractive. I deal with the people who do find me attractive. Go out and be in the world, life is too short, worrying about the things you are not.
Sexy Black Grandpa
I’m latino and I’m not into Asians, and I’m cool if whites are not into latinos. I don’t see anything wrong with having a preference.
I know white guys who are into anything but whites. This politically correctness bullish is so american.
Learn to speak English before commenting on this site. You’re most unwelcome (on this site)