Who doesn’t like being a hot white guy? You’re pretty much a Greek god in the gay community and there really isn’t anybody you can’t get. For others, you often find “no asians, no blacks” in dating profiles, which shows how racist and white-centric gay dating can be.
You see, there’s a totem pole of races in the gay community, with white people at the very top. It sorta goes like this: White, Latino (honorary whites), Mixed, Asian, Black, Indian, etc. This hierarchy is responsible for all kinds of phenomena in the gay world. Take, for example, the fact that Asian-White couples often consist of an older white guy with a younger Asian. Or at the very least, an Asian who’s substantially more attractive than his white counterpart. It’s never the other way around.
The bias extends to pop culture. When was the last time you saw an Asian Abercrombie model? All of the main characters on Queer as Folk were white. Heck, all the main characters in the latest HBO gay drama Looking are white even though the show is set in San Francisco where a third of gays are Asian. And of course, how can we forget about gay porn?
And so I wanted to find out for myself what every gay Asian knows – no matter how hot or young you are, you’ll suffer the inevitable Asian “discount” that’s applied when you hit the dating/hookup market. What better way than on the most shameless, unapologetic, and narcissistic venue: Grindr.
The Asian vs. White Grindr Experiment
Who’s hotter?
I whipped out two phones, loaded Grindr, and put two similar looking jocks to the test: 28, 5’10”, 170lbs, muscular, 8”uc. What’s not to like? Their profiles were exactly the same except one was Asian and the other white. I carried around the two phones for a week to different cities and here’s what happened.
Raw uncut data
So being Asian my whole life, I finally know how it feels to be a hot white guy for a week. The white guy comfortably gets 1.5 – 2x more messages than the Asian. There’s no other conclusion than it’s great to be white. You’ve got twice as many guys lined up ready to suck you off or get pounded by you.
Another thing you notice is that there are many hot guys who are simply off limits to Asians. Here’s one guy I tried to message as the Asian and it didn’t get very far. Gays love to use the “not my type” excuse as cover for any number of prejudicial preferences. When I message the same dude as the white guy, and I instantly get cockshots, details on how much he wants to pound my ass, and whether I can host.
As a hot white guy, you can expect a near 100% reply rate. In fact, you wind up with the problem that more guys are messaging you in a day than you can realistically sleep with in a month. This explains why as a white guy you can get away with being a complete douchebag. Why would you waste your time with anyone other than the cream of the crop? And why settle down when you can have an endless stream of orgies?
As an Asian, you can only hope to be so lucky to get the pleasure of a response. Just for fun, I sent a fellow Asian a message as the white guy. He thought it was some kind of joke, like I was a white guy coming to the back of the bus.
Conclusion
If you’re a hot white guy, keep on doing what you do best – being white. You’ve got it made until your skin starts to sag. But not to worry, you’ll still have younger Asians flocking to you.
If you’re not white, the only real solution to this problem is to pray to god that you’re born white next time. There’s an inherent bias against us and you need to know for all intents and purposes, you have no realistic chance of dating a hot white guy your own age. Changing the mentality of a whole community doesn’t happen overnight, and it certainly won’t happen in your generation.
Ugly Asian pieces of shit.
I guess you must be rejected by many Asians. Sorry for you.
Pure Asians are ugly flat faced unmanly monkeys hahahah!!!
The way you talk about “white fetish” being a sort of racism if weird for me though. In Britain (and during my travels around Europe) it just happened that the first gays I came across were white, just like how all my friends are white.
I think it’s impossible to expect all white guys to NOT have white fetish when all minorities have white fetish.
But have faith. Ever noticed how there’s an equal numer of men to women on earth? Maybe its possible for everyone to find their dream boyfriend then.
I’m British Indian and in UK the LGBT community isn’t colorist and a lot of anti-black racism exists, so I’m used to feeling superior to blacks but inferior to Whites. I believe Asians are more liked in London but I treat them as foriegners … so I getghe hierarchy like White, Asian, Indian, Black; but with Asians being rare.
I know the USA is more racist (even euro vs house) and luckily I’ve been able to avoid USA by living off European culture.
But I see a lot of my friends and gays on forums into Asian guys so I didn’t think it’d be too hard for Asians to get a white guy – hell it so easy for me to date a goodish white guy (like your nerdy best mate at school) that I’d think it’d be trouke for you guys.
Feel for me! I’m into Asian guys and I don’t even know what to type into Google! (Asian Indian wtf)! Asian culture is a sea of white fetish and indians seem nonexistence! If the culture wasn’t partially identical to India I don’t think Asian culture would be friendly for indians .
This is something San Francisco needs to sort out, if I feel so good in London then there’s no reason why the USA can’t do the same.
Think of it this way: in London I go through periods of thinking blacks can’t be gay, and I never feel uglier than a white guy. USA is a huge difference.
I’m not American and I have no intention of going to the usa, but I have to meet you guys when you go abroad.
USA sexual racism kinda applies to straight Indians so I don’t feel embarrassed to avoid american culture.
Try going to Europe since I always thought eurogays loved Asians, and Europe appears to offer a good sex life for Indians so i think asians will do well (unless indians do well due through culture or frendships).
Gay racism isn’t just about white fetish, but also about pride: no one wants to feel ugly or shit, and US culture is so white centric its hard not to get addicted to them.
If the UK can do it so can the USA.
Weeeee, what a quick and easy soounilt.
Hallelujah! I needed this-you’re my savior.
It’s a relief to find someone who can explain things so well
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I like Asian guys, I really want a boyfriend, but I can’t find a top guy, this sucks.
Pure Asians are just ugly. Deal with it. Those hairless bodies and equally hairless baby faces with flat button noses. Unmanly, childish neotenic features.
Euromischlingewithanasiandadsellout: Your time will come when you will be rounded up with the other undesirables and exterminated. Worthless, pathetic animal who needs to die in the ovens
1st. People like what they like. If more people happen to like whites, then sobeit.
2nd. Everyone’s attracted to Asians from the nose down and the eye brows up. IT’S THE EYES! They look deformed. It’s not a social status thing or a cultural thing or anything else. It’s something you cannot help at all. It’s your eyes. It’s the same issue guys with small dicks or skinny asses have. It’s just how you were born.
3rd. A LOT of people are really into Asians. Hooking up is about finding the people who like you. You have the entire internet at your disposal! So long as you find a percentage … literally 1% … you’ll have an abundance of ass/cock. Your abundance might be less than a white or latino guys abundance but it’s still a lot.
4th. 1st World Problems.
Asian eyes can’t be nearly as deformed as that inbred “brain” of yours. People may be more apt to agree with you more if you didn’t make such a racially charged comment regarding eyes. Homos must truly be less intelligent if they need to be constantly reminded of what not to say
This article reeks of white racism and the usual self appraisal, not everyone even likes white men, what asian would think of themselves this way? It’s not the gay centroc world that thinks this way… it’s white men who do, stop generalizing and address the issue directly.
I have been a Italian gay male all of my life.When i typed in the search bar Gay Asians Wanted and seen all of the hate towards asians i was very angry.I don’t know what all the white guys problems are dealing with a gay asian guy.I myself DO NOT EVER WANT A WHITE GAY MAN FOR MY LOVER, i have always dated and had sex with foreign men because they are hotter in bed over a white guy. I like asians ALOT!! I live in Tampa Florida and asians are very hard to find and i have never had an asian but they always turned me on when i was watching gay asian porno videos. White guys are SLUTS/WHORES and don’t know how to be faithful towards their mate. White guys have always tried to get into as many mens pants and tried them out in bed before their lives end and always will. They can’t be trusted. Foreign men are loyal to their lover. Foreign men have always satisfied me sexually. They get me superhard.They turn me on alot. Most foreign men are hung way over white guys who some have no dicks at all and never shows any bulge in their pants.
Thumb up!
Soooooo ..you get upset when white people don’t want to date Asians, but it’s perfectly acceptable for you to refuse to date white guys??
why do you only mention ‘foreigners’ when you mention asians? are you only attracted to asian foreigners and not asian americans? it annoys me that in 2015 americans still lump the two together. :/
For those gay guys who doesn’t like Asian guys: most of them are not masculine enough or they are extreme insecure bottoms. They can’t accept the so called feminine points of Asian guys, and you can think in the “they are the girls feel jealous to the other ‘girls'” way. As an Asian guy, I don’t care they like me or lot, who need the sissy’s like.
For me, The young gays who like the Asian gays are the masculine ones usually, because they can handle the Asian twink style and smooth skin. Similar to the straight guys = real men, which turns on me lot! White top + Asian bottom = perfection!
Btw, I refused many white gays also on Grindr. So race is one of the many factors: the other factors include top/bottom, health, age, personality. As a minority in the white donimated world, don’t expect you can get everything, just work hard, go to gym, be nice. Meanwhile, the Asian is rising….
Once again. Mean generalizations are perfectly PC as long as they are about white guys
Interesting experiment! These grossly generalised situations are particularly common in the Anglo-Celtic, English-speaking gay communities across Australia, NZ, Canada, the US and UK.
As an average built Asian in my early 30s growing up in both Australia and Asia, I’ve been thru ‘the scene’ and witnessed enough dramas for me to say that every couple has their own issues.
Just as we, Asians, voicing out about not getting a fair share of attention on gay social apps, it’s equally disappointing to see certain gorgeous young Asians stating “white only” on their profiles. Before judging on everyone’s preferences, we can spend pages talking about how our concept of beauty and attractiveness is meticulously implanted by social, cultural, and more heavily, commercial campaigns.
I personally believe that as time goes on, as more gay Asians get more visible in our daily life – by simply living as the role models for the younger generation – more gay Asians would get more confident with their identity and become more open-minded to guys other than Caucasians in the dating/ hook up scene.
The attitude has already shifted in Asia, may take longer for the diaspora. With my recent trips there, the proportion of potato queens has drastically dropped (as compared to a decade ago). I got as many messages on those apps as my Caucasian travel mate. In the more culturally homogenous societies like Taiwan or Japan, I made even more connections than my white guy friend as the locals are more keen on fellow Asian bodies these days.
Life’s much different in Continental Europe where guys are generally more liberal to take on your individuality, unless you’re going after the SM/ leather scene where the physical package prevails.
Guys – the best is yet to come, let’s get over the sour grapes and open ourselves up for more exciting options out there!
Great comment. I began following this when a friend of Asian descent disclosed his personal struggle. Initially I thought he was being over-dramatic. Not so! As a white guy, I was oblivious to how the deck was stacked in my favor.
Changing cultural perspectives is much more gradual than changing individual ones. Glad to hear things are changing in the big picture.
It is changing, slowly.
I agree. The conversation helps.
I wonder why Continental Europeans tend to be less racist towards Asians, but I’ve heard that quite a few times now
you know I can’t let it go the problem is that there are too many unattractive ones that are out there that are over represented in the gay community so when you come across a good one you’re skeptical
Stop commenting- you’re unwelcome to this site. Verschwinder
I’d be extremely skeptical that the Asian had an authentic 8 inch dick.
Since you want to work with the Hitler Youth, you may want to return to Northern Europe
I have read your post, as well as many of the comments. I must say, being a gay asian-american jock myself I am taken aback by all of this. I get so many messages on grindr and messages from a wide variety too, anywhere from substantially older men, bears, thinks, jocks. All black or white or asian as well. Even though I am half Korean, and even though I may not look “fully” Asian, one look at my facial structure and I am obviously of Asian decent. I am never one to message first typically, and get more messages than I can even keep up with, and so after reading this I am confused as to what factors are different for my scenario. Interesting read for sure though!
This is an interesting post. I’m an Asian guy 24 and a gym rat with a master’s degree in science and engineering. I live in a relatively conservative place in the US. I have experienced a lot of “ignorance” on grindr. At first I took it as discriminations too but now I will take it as a preference, and nearly a prejudice based preference.
Based on my experience, I concluded these reasons for Asians not being welcomed on Grindr:
1. Biased-preference. We all have preference. And the sad fact is people are still affected by the media. Unfortunately, Grindr is mostly for quicky and hookups. Asian guys are everything but “sex machine” stereotype. I hate stereotypes too. But they exist.
2. Some of us are not into hookups. I personally don’t. You can hardly imagine how desperate I am to find my true love. Grindr just won’t give me the chance to get to know people. I don’t like posting dick pics. I don’t like having sex with random guys on the first met. And a few of my Asian gay friends are like this too. Grindr doesn’t offer what I’m looking for. Apparently, I won’t find what I’m looking for on Grindr either.
3. Cultural difference. This is obvious for international students or first generation immigrants. Those Asians (including me) have a “different” way to deal with relationships, sex, or anything related. You have to agree that dealing with those is very energy consuming.
I have dated 4 times. 2 Asian guys 1 Danish guy (the so called blonde hair blue eyes) and 1 Brazilian guy. They are all great. I don’t find my Danish ex superior than any of the others. The Brazilian guy might be a rice queen but the Danish loved me as what I am. That is to say, I partially agree the article but I would view the phenomenon in a different way. Guys, you don’t need everyone to love you. You just need the right one 🙂 isn’t it correct?
For white guys interested in Asians, I won’t call you guys rice queens. But it would be great that when you stay with your Asian bfs, you two both remember racial differences don’t make you fall in love with each other. It is the unique person make you fall for him 🙂
I’m a helpless romantic and an idealist. Sorry if my answer is a bit off the topic 😉
Btw, I’m now chasing a Turkish American guy and I wish I could get committed with him. He is awesome 🙂 good luck for me.
I love these posts. I live in Australia, and it’s identical the problem here. Gay culture is an international barrier to equal access not only in relationships, but in terms of forming bonds along the gay identity. I continually find the straight community more accepting, less racist and generally more positive about asian gay men period.
As a gay white male who is mostly attracted Asians (but more broadly speaking anyone who looks different from me) , I have to say that while your experimental results are probably accurate on a general level, I have experienced different but related experience the other way around. I agree that there are many whites who prefer whites. There are also many Asians who only prefer Asians-especially in places like LA or SF. Or rather, the Asian guys who are usually attracted to me are not the ones I’m attracted to. This is because I’m not attracted to shorter much younger Asians, but rather guys close to my height (I’m over 6 ft) and similar age (mid 20s). Maybe this means I’m just picky. But, I will say that I’m sometimes met with as much suspicion for hitting on an Asian guy as you are met with rejection for hitting on a white guy–usually they presume that because I come up to talk to them it must be because I’m a Rice queen, and not because I’m attracted to them as an individual. Well, I am admittedly a “rice queen” if we have to use labels like that. But that doesn’t mean I’m ONLY attracted to you for your race. And to be fair, in Asia there are plenty of Asian guys who are not into “foreigners” whatever that includes. So in a sense, damned if we do damned if we don’t. But, people always have preferences , sometimes they’re racial sometimes they’re something totally weird and kinky. But anyhow, it doesn’t mean its impossible to find someone!
Are there any Gaysian pride events?
To be fair. When I was living in San Fransisco the Bay Area. I did see a lot of White and Asian gay couple. Some white guys are old with their son like boyfriend, some white guys r young. Depends on the asian I guess.
Dude, I love this. You took the time to look at the stark contrast of being white or anything else.so sad. I’m mixed/ black and i can’t tell you how often that has worked against me in the gay dating world. But i think I’m going to have to, as you stated, change my mind set on what is attractive and be open to all races.
I totally agree with you Mr. I live in Toronto where has a really big population of gay Asian guys. As a Asian gay guy, I do feel the same way as you do. Well I do get a lot of compliments on all kind of guys all the time in person, but on Grindr these kind of dating/hookups app, I do not get a lot of messages from white guys or they don’t reply me at all.
Me and friend did a similar test as what you did. He is a Caucasian guy we are both pretty cute, and we look pretty similar, in a pretty good shape, 5’9, 23 years old, all ways dress up well. I msg a guy first(I did not show my face in the profile pic) here is what I got
Me: Hi! How’s it going?
Him: Good yourself?
Me: Feel great just chilling with couple friends.
Him: Your packs look amazing!
Me: Thanks, you look great as well 🙂
Him:What you up to tonight?
Me:Going out with friends later. you
Him: Cool. Same. Got a face pic?
Me:(Pic snet)
Him:Silent……………..
He did not reply at all, or sometimes they will actually say sorry you are cute, but not my type. Even once, It is kinda funny, he said I am in his age range and he is into Asian guys, but my face looks way too young lol. Well I like white guys but I am not into rice queens. I think they are basically doing the exactly the same thing as the white guys who are not into a\Asina guys(Mashed potatoes), or Asian guys who are(Stick Rice).
But here is what my friend(Logan) got from the same guy
Logan:Hey
Him: Hey how are you cutie?
Logan: Drinking with friends, going out soon
Him: Cool, where you going later?
Logan: (Club’s name)
Him: I was there last night!
Logan: Ya it is a pretty sick place
Him: Ya, you got any face pic btw?
Logan: (Picture sent)
Him: (4 Pictures received- Face, whole body naked, dick 1, dick 2)
Logan thinks I look cute than him lol, well but the truth is, you can have a great body and style, the second it turns to an Asian face…….good bye, done, silent
In Toronto, there used to be a lot of Caucasian gay guys on Grindr would say “No Asians” or “white only”. The worst would probably be “No rice” “No chocolate” “No curry” “muscular and masculine looking for the same” “White only”
Now either they don’t just don’t say on there profile anymore, cuz they are scared of people would recognize them in real life, and judge them lol. They reply or you say hi they will say hi back and that’s it.
Don’t know what to say…….
“In Toronto, there used to be a lot of Caucasian gay guys on Grindr would say “No Asians” or “white only”…Now either they don’t just don’t say on there profile anymore, cuz they are scared of people would recognize them in real life”.
This is why the discussion on anti-racism is important. It does work. Consciousness raising does work! It doesn’t completely happen all at once but it can help gradually change social norms and attitudes. Now people are afraid to behave in racist ways and who knows? Maybe they’re starting to reflect on their racist ideas too. This is why articles and websites like Angryhomosexual is so important. The racism is still there though and that’s why the resistance must not relent.
It’s so true. As a gay white man with a big cock, the world is my oyster ! I am almost 60 now and it has been an increadable 40 year run. I never really had to even work hard, because I always had hot rich boyfriends ( My husband right now has an advanced degree and banks 250K a year) I was gifted houses , businesses and portfolios ! Right now my net worth is north of 5 million and all I did is smile and plow like a champion. Life is so unfair……
Oh just for fun , has anyone else here plowed Mario Lopez…?
Kevin, by continuously living, you’re doing the world a disservice. You’re what the Germans would deem “Lebensunwertes Leben.”
And that is so dreamy tho. I’m sure you aren’t sitting on your couch and reading hateful comments wishing you had finished ur college so u would pay up ur rent this month.
I feel that the people who commented, “BUT I SUCCEEDED in bagging a hot boyfriend,” totally missed the point of this experiment. Good job man on the great idea and analysis. Keep it up!
“Changing the mentality of a whole community doesn’t happen overnight, and it certainly won’t happen in your generation.”
Why solitude is sometimes the sanctuary for the enlightened.
Meh,
I must have pushed your buttons as you clearly found it necessary to directly dismiss my position. There’s no “so be it” disregarding a whole race! The fact that you feel that’s normal says it all. However it seems your track record on here is to do exactly that to others as well. How original..
Moving forward, I’ve been around the world and a expat living abroad. Discrimination is everywhere. However, not like it is in the U.S. With your “preferences” .
Really? Because I’ve lived around the world too and have found that it’s exactly like the U. S. : you tend to like what is personally and culturally familiar to you OR whatever is celebrated as an ideal. If you come from a country in which dark skin is historically associated with being a poor laborer from a lower class, then that plays a role. If you’ve grown up seeing caucasians or Americans favorably and disproportionately represented by media, then that can play a role. Etc. It can be so anecdotal and culturally specific. Fifteen years ago in Korea, foreign white people seemed to be considered exotic and got lots of dating attention. Nowadays, it’s flipped, and a lot of younger Korean gays seem uninterested in even considering dating a non-Korean. Korea is increasingly confident standing on its own and no longer “looks up to” the U.S. as an object of fascination or desire. It’s natural to like what is familiar. When we DON’T, however, that can have to do with the complex socio-political conception / construction of the Other. And then there’s just simple taste – for example, I like chubby guys and get turned off by muscles. Who can fully explain all these complex interactions? But I find they’re all at play in different ways pretty much everywhere you go.
I’m Asian, I’m gay and I’m Deaf. So I feel it’s very competition around photo queers, and I’m lose as I’m Asian PLUS Deaf. Hearing Asian guys, you’re so luck to get more than 10 messages per day. I only get 1 message per……week or fortnight!
I would hit on you. I’ve never been with a deaf person but I don’t think it would affect the hotness of our encounter. In fact I think it would enhance it.
Where’s proof?? lol
I dated a deaf guy, he didn’t tell me he was deaf until I went to pick him up. It was definitely my problem, not his, if I wanted it to be a problem. I thought that was great and it increased my attraction to him. Might want to give it a try.
..his deafness didn’t increase my attraction, his confidence in himself. Sorry to be PC but wanted to clarify.