A rice queen is both a friend and a foe for the gay Asian man. On one hand he represents the opportunity to be with a white man, something so many gay Asians crave. On the other hand, due to the fundamental imbalance in the Asian-White dating market, a relationship is unlikely to last.
A rice queen is a gay white man who primarily or exclusively dates gay Asian men.
Every gay Asian man needs to be on high alert for rice queens. Either you’ll end up with an ugly one that nobody else wants, or you’ll constantly be fighting to keep him because there are umpteen other attractive gay Asians jostling for his attention.
It’s rare that a rice queen will admit to being one, but with a little bit of common sense and detective work, you’ll soon be a rice queen identifying expert.
Five signs a gay white man is a rice queen
1. He messaged you first
If a gay white man messages an Asian first, he’s probably a rice queen.
Most gay white men don’t date Asians. But a small number of them, usually the most open-minded ones, have their first Asian experience. Then they become hooked to the Asian’s boyish, youthful looks and smooth, hairless body.
By the time he messages you, you’re not his first and definitely won’t be his last gay Asian adventure.
2. He has a lot of Asian friends
Asians are everywhere and it’s nice to see interracial friendships blossoming. But if a disproportionate number of his friends are Asians, there’s something more than random selection going on.
Further, if his profile picture features him as the only white guy among two or more Asians, you’ve got a smoking gun on your hands.
He’s probably slept with many of these “friends” in the past. If you get involved, chances are you’ll become part of his vast trophy collection. “Yup, had him.”
3. His profile picture was taken in Asia
The Great Wall? Taipei 101? The Tokyo subway?
Asia is a rice queen’s mecca. From the moment he steps off the plane and switches on Jack’d, his phone is on the brink of exploding with welcomes and invitations from gay Asians barely old enough to drive. No matter how old or ugly a rice queen is, he’s a movie star in Asia.
Visiting Asia is a rite of passage for rice queens. Those with the means will generally return at least once a year. Rice queens who frequently travel to Asia are the most dangerous type, as they’re gleefully aware of how replaceable you are.
4. He has Chinese characters in his profile
He might have a Chinese name or slip a few Chinese movie or book titles in his interests. In extreme cases whole sections of his profile may be in Chinese characters, which you may not even be able to read. These rice queens are among the most sophisticated out there. He probably speaks Chinese/Japanese/Korean/Thai/Vietnamese etc. better than you.
Run… don’t walk away. Here’s a rice queen who’s so experienced at his art he’s learned to do it in your language.
5. He’s a lot older than you
A rice queen could be around your age, but chances are he’ll be at least 10 years older than you. Since his desirability only drops slightly with age, a rice queen can, even at fairly advanced ages, land himself a Grade A gay Asian.
You’ve been warned
Now get out there and have fun. Just don’t complain to me when your Asian youth has worn off and you’ve been cast into the rust heap section of the bar where no white man will touch you with a ten foot dildo. I told you so. 🙂
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I am a total rice queen but disagree with 4 out of 5 of these points. Perhaps it’s just me but I find Ssian men attractive but I l ow I’m older (60) and most Asian men are not as old as me but they are all so beautiful and sooo handsome. I’d like to be dating an Asian man but they are hard to fine perhaps because of the stereotype statements made above. That’s not me! Anyway, thanks.
Sorry for the typos! ☺️
Does this include men who obsess over, or claim to be only attracted to Desi or South Asians, who are not Desi or South Asian at all?
Any kind of fetishization (is that a word?) is problematic because it is mostly based on stereotypes and romanticized (often fictional) assumptions or narratives of a culture, region and people. It often has very little to do with respect for an alien culture and everything to do with a fantasy constructed by the individual based on western pop-culture narratives that make hideous caricatures of “the other”. No one is born hating black people or liking brown people. It takes a certain amount of environmental conditioning to “only like” someone based on skin color (which btw is the most simplistic outlook and falls well within the spectrum of racism – liking or disliking someone based on skin color). So be warned?
I’m 27 asian dating 63 white. He isn’t like you said at all.
This is the biggest, most racist and blatantly stupid bullshit I’ve read in a long while.
Sincerely, a white guy dating an Asian who’s not a “rice queen”.
So I’m not that attracted to Asians, my ideal is a tall muscular blond guy from Norway/Sweden/Denmark.
But most of my friends are Asian and girls [so I definitely didn’t sleep with any of them]. I also travel to Asia quite frequently mostly for food and issey miyake clothing (which is more than a tad cheaper in Asia).
Now I’m dating an Asian guy from Thailand and it’s making me really uncomfortable since the assumption is that I must have some sort of Asian fetish and be really old. In actual fact he’s 23 whilst I’m 19 and I’d say I’m way more “submissive” than him.
Me too! I’m a guy living in Taiwan (ROC). I find westerners irresistible, particularly white men (Well, I can’t deny that some asians are gorgeous). Just imagine: smooth blond hair, thick eyebrows, attractive and sexy eyes, tempting lips with sparkling, white teeth, muscular physiques, open-minded personality… What can I say? White men, in my eyes, are just flawless. I don’t have a white man friend, not to mention a relationship with one. Well, I almost had one. Nevertheless, for some reson, I myself should be to blame, which is another story.
All of my friends and co-workers are female, so I’m extremely lonely and desperate to meet and to befriend someone who is both a male and white man. (It would be perfect if he’s a white man.)
I do hope the day is approaching!
Your comments make no sense. I’ve been living in the ROC for over 20 years. Of course I will message an Asian first.. Asians account of 99% of what you find on gay dating apps.
Well I’m a resident of the ROC and there are very few foreigners here. So yes most of my friends are Taiwanese.
Yes my profile picture was take in Taipei. This is where I’ve been a resident for over 20 years.
Yes my profile is in Chinese. Because thats what people read and write here.
And finally don’t like flaky twinks. Prefer me who have cars and over 40. Twinks are not stable.
I’m sorry I just had to speak my mind! I’m Asian! 100%! I’m actually Hmong and most people probably haven’t heard of this specific race. But back to my story I’m Asian and most guys of all colors hit me up and or they want to hook up with me. Yet I say no. I don’t do one night stands! Never have never will. Still a virgin! Yes lol. My point is I’m not trying to prove a point but I don’t believe in those stereotype about Asians are at the bottom. every race is the same in a way. We have our own ways of doing things. I don’t know where I’m going with this haha. But if you guys want to hit me up or become friends 😜 Facebook me “Lee R Xaiyasang Shalang” promise I’ll message back. Lol
Ha ha… well that comment is so typical of the stereotypically insecure Asian gay male. ” I dont do one night stands”. Denies the fact that every relationship begins with a one night stand. Sex is the glue which holds two gay men together long enough for them to get to know each other. BTW, I’m a fully accredited Rice Queen, living in Malaysia with my Asian partner of six years
I’m just saying “Sex” isn’t always the answer!
I’m living in the USA. I wish you are too.
I find it truly ridiculous that some Asian men think they are turn down by majority of white gay guys because they are Asian. You DON’T get turn down by white gay guys, if you look fine in their eyes and sound interesting enough.
I’m probably a rice queen. I certainly go for Asian guys. Maybe fetishise them, sure. Ypu, had quite a few. Holidays in Thailand and that. Guilty as charged. My partner’s Asian. Oh, and he’s 3 years older, and doctor who earns a lot more than me. He’s youthful-looing and cute, sure, but he is also generous, intelligent, independent-minded and (being unapologetically gay to his very conservative family) brave. I love him.
I think u right I’m a good kisser anyway too bad
Whoever wrote this need to go to counseling , your article affect the gay Asian youth a lot and this is not helping , categorizing people like this is BS
This post is so unfair and reeks of prejudice. I’m an older white man who has never been with an Asian, but I most definitely would be open to meeting and even bonding (monogamously) with an Asian. The bit about white guys’ bias for Asians due to their boyish looks and smooth body is also UNtrue as I’m open to meeting even a fairly hairy younger man (no one under 18), Asian or other races. I guess I’m insulted by what I read.
Thank you! Totally agree!
It should not be about race anytime; let’s face it, there is surgery and medicine to change that!
Too bad I’m not single and we’re in the same area; I bet we’d get along (well, as long as you’re a good kisser (I discriminate on that) 🙂 ).
Uuuh I hate these stupid stereotypes, obviously not every asian guys are like that. Also which origine is he talking about? every race has its typical flaws and greatness mashed up with their own personality. Same example: a lot of gay guys likes having sex (or one night stands), but not every gay guy are into the promiscuous lifestyle. Some of them actually wants a relationship. Thank god for that! ^.^
PS: Btw T, you’ll find someone soon. If not, I would go out with you.
[ARTICLE] A rice queen is both a friend and a foe for the gay Asian man. On one hand he represents the opportunity to be with a white man, something so many gay Asians crave. On the other hand, due to the fundamental imbalance in the Asian-White dating market, a relationship is unlikely to last.
[My opinion] white-white couple black-black couple latino-latino couple asians-asians couple never last? seriously?
[ARTICLE] A rice queen is a gay white man who primarily or exclusively dates gay Asian men.
[my opinion] yeah…. also a gay is a man who primarly or exclusively dates men… it’s just about preference…
[ARTICLE] Every gay Asian man needs to be on high alert for rice queens. Either you’ll end up with an ugly one that nobody else wants, or you’ll constantly be fighting to keep him because there are umpteen other attractive gay Asians jostling for his attention.
[my opinion] is it only valid for asian involved with a white guy ? seriously…
[ARTICLE] It’s rare that a rice queen will admit to being one, but with a little bit of common sense and detective work, you’ll soon be a rice queen identifying expert.
[My opinion] I always been honnest and straightforward saying i like asians.
[ARTICLE] Five signs a gay white man is a rice queen
1. He messaged you first
If a gay white man messages an Asian first, he’s probably a rice queen.
Most gay white men don’t date Asians. But a small number of them, usually the most open-minded ones, have their first Asian experience. Then they become hooked to the Asian’s boyish, youthful looks and smooth, hairless body.
By the time he messages you, you’re not his first and definitely won’t be his last gay Asian adventure.
[my opinion] well, is there any problem to send a message first? Should I think, if an asians sends me a message first, I shouldn’t talk to him because he’s a potato queen… If nobody starts sending messages what are we doing here?
[ARTICLE]
2. He has a lot of Asian friends
Asians are everywhere and it’s nice to see interracial friendships blossoming. But if a disproportionate number of his friends are Asians, there’s something more than random selection going on.
Further, if his profile picture features him as the only white guy among two or more Asians, you’ve got a smoking gun on your hands.
He’s probably slept with many of these “friends” in the past. If you get involved, chances are you’ll become part of his vast trophy collection. “Yup, had him.”
[my opinion] I have a lot of asian friends, 90% are straight. I had friendship with gay asians whom I never wanted anything other than friendship. I never consider someone as a “trophy”… seriously we are talking about humans here… by the way, my best gay friend is black…
[ARTICLE]
3. His profile picture was taken in Asia
Taipei 101, a popular background for rice queen profile pictures
Taipei 101, a popular background for rice queen profile pictures
The Great Wall? Taipei 101? The Tokyo subway?
Asia is a rice queen’s mecca. From the moment he steps off the plane and switches on Jack’d, his phone is on the brink of exploding with welcomes and invitations from gay Asians barely old enough to drive. No matter how old or ugly a rice queen is, he’s a movie star in Asia.
Visiting Asia is a rite of passage for rice queens. Those with the means will generally return at least once a year. Rice queens who frequently travel to Asia are the most dangerous type, as they’re gleefully aware of how replaceable you are.
[My opinion] ok, I’m aware i’m not the most beautiful person in the world, not the ugliest one too… I ve been to china korea and japan because I’m interested to those countries culture and food and of course guys too. Is that doing me a bad person? Again, “how replaceable you are” is only valid for asian-white relations?
[ARTICLE]
4. He has Chinese characters in his profile
He might have a Chinese name or slip a few Chinese movie or book titles in his interests. In extreme cases whole sections of his profile may be in Chinese characters, which you may not even be able to read. These rice queens are among the most sophisticated out there. He probably speaks Chinese/Japanese/Korean/Thai/Vietnamese etc. better than you.
Run… don’t walk away. Here’s a rice queen who’s so experienced at his art he’s learned to do it in your language.
[my opinion] So, I’m interested to chinese characters because I think it s beautiful. I have lot of chinese friends (90% are straights) and I want to understand when they are speaking to each other. that’s why I learn chinese. the author of this article just don’t say why you should Run… there’s no reason in fact, he just want to manipulate you and some ignorants just believe this article …
[ARTICLE]
5. He’s a lot older than you
A rice queen could be around your age, but chances are he’ll be at least 10 years older than you. Since his desirability only drops slightly with age, a rice queen can, even at fairly advanced ages, land himself a Grade A gay Asian.
[My opinion] I had my first asian bf when I was 22, he was 30… Now, there’s sometimes some young asians who are opened to rice queen and who text me… but I’m born in 1983, What do I have in common to share with a young boy born in 1998 who hasn’t finished school yet? by the way, there’s nothing I hate more to see than a couple of a 50 years old white men with a 20 years old skinny asian boy… If I get old like that, please kill me! 😉
I would contend that the apparent failure of gay couples is unreal. The reality is that the successful relationships disappear off into suburbia never to be heard from again. Its the recurring failures that keep on returning to the cruising scene where their attitudes keep them on the merry-go-round of failed relationships
(applause). Yes, happy couples are leading happy lives away from the cruising scene. 🙂 Great thought.
You probably hate me then; I’m 45 (gwm, average, a few extra pounds) and my partner of 3 years is now 27 (Asian twink). Insult to injury, he was aggressive toward to me to make this work.
I’m a young white male who is very attracted to dominant asian and latino men. I find myself struggling to find men of asian descent who consider themselves this, and desire a white man. I seldom hook up with anyone, one of the reasons due to the lack of options, or perhaps I am not up to a dominant asian’s standards. I’m not feminine, but I’m also not overly masculine. I’m a tall, slim guy, but I do have a very commanding presence, and I model occasionally. Maybe they see me and think I’m a top, or that I am intimidating? I’m really very friendly and nice, and my main goal is to always get to know the guy first, and then figure out if there is any chemistry, etc. I also live in NYC, where there are plenty of asian and other ethnicities. The only dominant asian men who hit on me are much older than me. Sometimes, I just feel like I should give up and buy a dog.
You’ll find someone soon. If not, I would go out with you. I’m a dominant asian 🙂
Just go to SF or come to DC. You be fine finding dominant asian one.
White guys totally get it that they are our Asians most wanted list. White rice queens are cocky. I’m feeling so depressed get turned down by Whites ,westerners,latinos.
I would disagree on your comment that gay relationships dont last. At first glance relationships dont last because the failures reappear on the dating market … sometimes over and over again. The real stable relationships disappear into suburbia, never to be seen in public again. My experience suggests that more than 50% of the gwm/gam relationships do last long term…. five years and longer. You should also remember that there is a significant number of gam’s who are serial daters who are incapable of commitment but still want the perks of a gam/gwm relationship
Maybe it is not because you are Asian. Maybe it is something else. What about white guys who get turned down by white guys? Generally speaking, overweight and older men of all races have a harder time connecting. Maybe it has nothing to do with your race is what I’m saying. Also, here in the US, the gay scene has gotten so superficial — into perfect bodies, fashion and symbols of status — that there really isn’t any unity. Guys like myself end up on the fringes, loathing the gay images portrayed on tv. Be cool. Your situation is happening all over America, to straights and gays.
There are plenty of white gays who feel jaded by the “scene” and their inability to find “the one” they want. If you live in Asia and are an Asian with a preference for Whites, of course it’s going to be harder to find what you are attracted to. But consider the short white hetro male? Many white girls will only date tall men. That’s unfair if you are a short white male, but, please, get over it.
I am a “rice queen” but also a “red queen”. I am particularly attracted to reduce hair ( but not blonde). I don’t know why I like real hair soon much but don’t care. Of course I also date blonds and could fall in love with a blonde …I just find myself more likely to be attracted to reds….or Asians!
And no, I am not “cocky”.
I’m sorry this has happened to you
With white guys
I’m an Asian male. And although I do see the points this article makes, I also think a lot of it is BS. I’m Asian 35 not stereotypical. I’ve dated all men but 90 percent white. That is only because I was raised in a predominantly white upper class neighborhood so I was socialized with white people. I like my hot Asian men too but whites are more available in my life. And none of them are fat or old, in fact for the last 8 years every white guy I’ve dated has been in his twenties and cute and that is because I look their age and am fun and am told I am hot. So while I think this article makes some valid points I don’t think the part about Asians being racist against other Asians is true. I love my culture, even studied it in college, but I just happen to have more opportunities with white dudes. I wish I was surrounded by more of my gorgeous Asia people because we can be just as hot as any race.
Interesting, but not surprising, that you as an Asian man should consider that the only thing attractive about Asian men are their boyish looks and smooth hairless skin. As a fully accredited rice queen in a long standing relationship in an Asian country, I can assure you that the gam/gwm relationships that last are not with the “pretty little twinks, but with older often professional partners who bring some substance to a relationship. Your theory might be so with the “afraid of commitment rice queens” who are looking for a quick dalliance with a cute boi on their holidays. But those rice queens are taken advantage of by cute little twinks in much the same way as you accuse the rice queens of taking advantage of the twins.
do you think black guys have it worse in america or asian guys?
Yes!
I meant to say..”am I a rice queen”? Am I doing anything offensive or confused?
One is attracted to what one is attracted to. if you find green eyes especially attractive to the extent you never felt attracted to any other eye colour, that would be a bizzare “fetish ” but do what? I knew a guy who was only attracted to pre-op transexuals. Genectic girls and effeminate gay boys had no attraction for him. Most rice queens are capable of being attracted to other races, it’s just a preference. we don’t ( products should not) condemn the young effeminate white queen who “only ” likes butch hairy older men. IF asian men are not hairy enough for some asian queens..
So what?
I enjoyed reading the thoughtful messages here! I’m truly curious what you guys think about my situation. I’m white, had dated white & latino guys. Ltr’s too. I met, dated & quickly fell in love with the sweetest guy. I was 40, he was 25. Ben was a Taiwanese master’s student studying in the U.S. We became partners, lived together for 3 years. It was amazing. We enjoyed holidays with Taiwanese friends I met through him, my friends & my family. We traveled to Taiwan & met his sweet, wonderful family. From Ben I learned so much including being more gentle, patient. (He’s buddhist) I was totally committed to the relationship. In love with him. I studied Chinese and explored Buddhism. He wanted to stay in U.S., lived here 6 years & I did everything I could to help him stay/ find a company to sponsor a work visa.(It was in the recession before federal legal marriage). He surrendered to knowing his visa was expiring..returned to taiwan a bit fatalistically. I felt like my heart was torn out & gone. I lost my best friend, partner, lover..who I thought was my life partner. Pain & emptiness….. Ben reframed his world to being back home, settled & found a bf. I’m happy he has found happiness & joy. We’re still close friends. Ben set such a high bar -sweet, kind, fun, smart, balanced, motivated, funny, goal oriented, healthy, positive attitude. I haven’t met anyone close to having those qualities. I’m not a gay bar kinda guy. No good dating since Ben left… 3 years. I find myself attracted especially to Asian & Latino guys. Even more to Asian. Asian & latino friends I have share alot of my values. Family & ltr oriented. I feel like going to Asia or latin america to live, find my guy, bring him back to the U.S., live in his country part time. Am I a potato queen? Suggestions or anyway see “blind spots” I’m not seeing? ~ you ROCK if you read through my long story! ~ J
I have read it so I definitely rocked then haha.. That’s a v sad story but don’t worry you will find somebody who will love you too much someday! All the best.
Thanks for reading my story & for your encouragement! Wish you well too!
Good luck J
May be your Taiwanese bf made you a potato queen.
I am a self identified rice queen. It took me a while to accept it. I felt like I was demonstrating sexual racism. I’m ok with this now. Just like I can’t control being gay I can’t control my desires. I am more attracted to asians than other races. I fit almost every criteria in this article except one. I didn’t dump my asian ex for another younger asian. He dumped me after 5 years of living together. The hurt I felt was immense and the hurt I feel reading this article is also immense. You are turning me into an evil minority which I am not. Stop bullying people like me. Some of us may be assholes who go from asian to asian, but some of us are not…
Poor you, u might want to find someone’s better and suitable for u.
Cheers and best of luck
Relax , U will meet the right one in the end of the day
I take everything written on this site with a grain of salt, although there is an innate understanding that these experiences are true and that the author is trying to explain a frustrating that I also have.
Im a pretty stereotypical looking asian guy, I have my preference for white guys. It isnt only looks for me. I was raised by pretty conservative white guy my mom remarried. I started out dating black guys when they were the only guys that talked to me, then to latin, then asian, then white guys. Im 35 now and part of the problem was that I looked like an adolescent until about 5 years ago. My (white) husband hates it when I shave my beard. I always have to leave stubble.
Growing up in San Francisco, I was attracted to all the typical guys until I realized I was way too lazy to put much effort into a guy so I just did things that I enjoy with friends instead of wasting time trying to meet someone and thats how I met guys.
Part of my gay asian experience is acknowledging that other far better looking asian men have the same frustrations and that instead of fighting for the same small pool of guys, to just live my own life and see them as part of my community as opposed to competition. I avoided hanging out with other gay asian men (unless they were friends of friends, or I met them outside of the gay community) for fear of stepping on toes, for fear of eliciting adolescent jealousies etc. But those are the hangups I no longer have.
Attraction is fickle. I am no longer attracted to the same types of guys I was attracted to in my 20s. If anything, I prefer older guys who are calm and dont take offense to sarcasm.
I was into asian guys, but I met so many self hating ones who refused to acknowledge their heritage and would try to differentiate themselves as ‘asian-american’ as opposed to just asian. I also avoided any guys who date asians exclusively mainly because Im not typical enough for them. Thank god I had a pretty wide social network. If I was stuck with just online apps and/or gay clubs and bars, Id be pretty frustrated myself. Thankfully most of the guys I dated prefer my not-quite-awful personality over my terrible looks.
good for you !
Exactly right, my Asian bf was cheating on me with at least 5 white guys for months so it’s not just white guys using Asians as this guy portrays.
I have met many long-term white/asian couples in Thailand, and they are happy and content. In fact, far happier than the typical superficial gay scene in the U.S. and elsewhere. Be proud to be a rice queen : )
Thanks for this valuable input. I have similar sentiments on the U.S. gay scene.
could u contact me on facebook, please.
i am gaysian who wants to interview you. 🙂
So dude am I a rice queen to I guess I love Asians stud cock and I do get some rather large ones here in Toronto. My largest was quarter of an inch less Ten sorry I love my glass babe as I call him won’t give him up for all the tea in China. And these boys have more stamina than any white or black I have fucked with. And I am blatino