5 Reasons Gay Asians Should Give Up Potatoes

Gay Asian Men Potato QueensMany gay Asians have a problematic addiction to potatoes, aka white guys. I was there myself. For years, I always pictured the “ideal guy” for me to be a dashingly handsome white guy with the perfect features – blue eyes, sandy hair, and a bit taller than me.

Lucky for me, I woke up in time to smell the coffee. Many of my fellow gay Asians aren’t so fortunate. They stick to their proverbial guns and hang to the pipe dream of landing a white male model, even when they’re years past their dating prime.

If you’re a potato queen, I have news for you. You need to get over your addiction to white guys ASAP. Here’s why:

1. You need white guys more than they need you

For every white guy who’s open to dating an Asian, there are no fewer than 3 Asians fighting for his attention.

White guys are the least willing of all the races to date outside their own racial group, and when they do, there’s plenty of competition for them.

Don’t believe me? The folks over at OkCupid, one of the biggest free dating sites, collect statistics on this stuff. The picture isn’t rosy…

  • White guys are almost 4 times as likely as Asians to say they strongly prefer to date someone of their own race (43% vs 12%)
  • White guys only reply to Asians 35% of the time when they make contact, whereas Asians respond 55% of the time to white guys

See the disparity? There’s a much bigger potential pool of Asians seeking white guys, which means it’s a white guy’s market. Actually, going strictly by reply rates (read the chart vertically downwards), white men are the biggest snobs on OkCupid, with the lowest reply rates of anyone.

And even if you get lucky…

2. You’ll eventually get dumped for a younger, cuter Asian

White people invented the concept of leasing a car and trading it in when it’s old, and they’ve carried that concept over to their dating lives too.

97% of the time when you see an East-West (Asian-White) couple, it’s an older white guy with a substantially younger Asian. Because there are many more Asians seeking white guys than vice versa, white guys have plenty of choice, while potato-seeking Asians have to settle for whatever they can get. Usually, it’s an older, often chubbier white guy who, for all his shortcomings, is, well, white.

Years down the road when you’re getting a bit long in the tooth, you can expect to be traded in for a younger, hotter Asian model, and there will be plenty of those to choose from.

3. Rice queens don’t care about you as an individual

Although your average white guy is a poor dating choice for all the reasons above, you should be extra suspicious of rice queens.

A rice queen is a special variety of white guy that primarily (or exclusively) dates Asians. You may think that you’ve hit pay dirt when you land a rice queen, but you should beware – they only like you because you’re Asian.

White guys become rice queens because they like smooth skin, smaller bodies and what they perceive as more submissive personalities of Asian guys. When a rice queen sees you, he notices only those features he’s attracted to, not necessarily your other qualities.

At some point down the road, your rice queen will find an even better Asian who embodies even more of the qualities he likes, and you might end up sitting on the curb on garbage day.

4. Potatoes age faster

White guys age faster than us Asians, at least on the surface. Caucasian skin tends to be thinner and looser, and more susceptible to wrinkling at an earlier age. White men also gain a considerable amount of weight sometime after their early 20s, and that weight gain continues steadily until middle age, at which time it’s pretty rare to find a white guy who doesn’t have a visible beer gut.

What this means is that your 25-year-old Abercrombie model will see his looks depreciate considerably by age 35, and will almost certainly wind up in the visual bargain bin by age 45. How often do you hear people saying to white guys “OMG you’re 38?? You look 10 years younger!” And yet it happens all the time to Asians.

5. You will end up old and lonely

For all the reasons above, you’re unlikely to land the white guy of your dreams. And even if you luck out, it may be short lived.

A disproportionate number of my old, lonely gay friends are Asians and the one thing they share in common is a strong preference to date exclusively white guys. Year after year as they age they become even less attractive to the white guys who, as we’ve seen, have plenty of younger, cuter Asians to choose from.

If gay Asians want to do themselves a favor, they might consider being more open-minded to dating any other race besides white men, perhaps even giving other Asians a chance. It’s probably not a good idea to base a relationship on superficial physical criteria like skin, hair or eye color, which narrows down your choice of partners. Yes, physical attraction is difficult to consciously change but everyone’s looks fade over time and physical attraction is only a small part of successful long term relationships. At least, that’s been my experience.

595 thoughts on “5 Reasons Gay Asians Should Give Up Potatoes

  1. I’m one of the so called potatoes that the author of this article will dislike.

    1. My boyfriend is Asian
    2. He is thirty years my junior
    3. I cannot imagine myself being attracted to other than Asians
    4. I’m developing a beer belly
    5. I’ve been shopping around at my leisure and have broken several hearts
    6. And I’m sure there are other nasty aspects to be pinned on me…

    None the less, he and I belong together. There’s a long story behind it all, but the fact remains that we belong together, are very much and deeply in love and attached to one another, have bought a house together, intend to get married asap, miss each other when not together for just a few hours, talk and discuss for hours, get deep into each other’s mind and soul, know each other’s secrets, have perfect companionship – it’s called LOVE to the best of my knowledge.

    So while I appreciate and understand the concept of the article, I disagree to the way it generalizes and pretends to have found the truth. Don’t always judge the potato on its skin…



  2. *sigh* I broke up with potato boyfriend. It was very hard but breaking up with him was my only choice. We were in a long distance relationship. All I know is I gave everything. All my love, my attention and my time. I have loved him with every fiber of my being. But he suddenly changed and made me feel he doesn’t want me anymore.

    1. Long distance relationships are always super difficult, regardless of race. Being an asian-white relationship probably had nothing special to do with your split.

      Hope that you find a new potato in your neighborhood who you can hug every day. ^^

  3. Really? I’m itching to chat with you. Ever since I was a junior high school student, I’ve wanted to make friends with white men. Perhaps I was drawn to their handsome faces, muscular physiques, and easy-going personality. However, I’ve had none, which is extremely sad. Therefore, can I chat with you, S?

      1. Really? I am so thrilled that I have to bite myself to see whether I am dreaming or not. I am exhilarated. Unlucky, I do not have a Facebook, which is a bit mortifying. Perhaps I am a bit old-fashioned. Gee! What am I supposed to do? Wait! Can I contact you with my e-mail?
        My e-mail is adrian2010999@hotmail.com. I am eagerly looking forward to hearing from you.

  4. I just happen to stumble upon your blog and I must say I was very intrigued with what you’ve said. As a 25 year old Asian guy who has never dated anyone, I could say that ethnicity or racial background has nothing to do with whom I should date. I mean yeah, we could fantasize about someone as dreamy as Channing Tatum but I think more than the physical attributes, its the personality that matters most. It’s saddening to hear that some people see race as something to be of great importance. Then again, we all have different views on this matter. I would love to date a guy who is smart, honest and open minded, thats all I need regardless wether WHITE, BLACK,BROWN or ASIAN (but I guess dating an Asian guy would be a more possible option for me LOL)

    1. Why is it saddening?

      I can’t date fat guys. Or anybody more than 2 years older than me. Or anybody who doesn’t have a sexy haircut. Hairy guys are also a no-no. Nerdy looking — nope. And not the hippy type either. Definitely no girly guys. And so on.

      I’ve got a long list of criteria required of a guy to be attractive. Being Asian is one of them. Of course he also must be honest, kind, funny and all the typical adjectives, but actually I think that’s not so much of a problem. All my friends are honest, kind, and funny. And some of them I find physically attractive, too. But they are just not gay.

      Maybe, Yuuki, you should go and date a few guys and then you realize that you actually want to find somebody more than just “a nice guy.”

  5. Asian here (technically an Eurasian, but my look is 99% Asian)

    I was cured from potato queen syndrome few years ago, but in general I am attracted to masculine features such as body hair.

    However I noticed that I couldn’t be attracted to guys less than 30s, and for Asians they must be at least 35. White guys with blonde hair? Nah, I consider then as ‘effeminate’ (yes, seriously, I cannot be attracted to blonde white guys with blue eyes no matter how hairy they are).

    It’s a media construct, and I think everyone needs to distinguish between reality, fantasy and delusion.

    Also, a while ago I dated an Asian guy who is 16 years older than me, I didn’t expect that I would ever be attracted to an Asian. I’m glad though, in my case, I am not racist, but I prefer someone mature. White guys, Asian guys, or whoever they are, I always find them more attractive when they are at least 5-10 years older.

    I usually avoid rice Queens because they are creepy. I don’t like people who state ‘i only like race x’

    But my case may be an isolated one.

    What about other Asians?

  6. I like white guys. I tried to talk to them in any ways. I went to Bali, and nothing happened. Somehow this article makes me feel sad.

  7. All you Asians who still wish, in spite of the article, to date white guys — you should come to Scandinavia. In Finland, for example, there’s only a few thousand Asians in total, so the market could be pretty favorable for gay Asians . 🙂

    Yours truly is bi and interested in white girls and Asian guys. I’ve also tried dating a couple of Asian girls, but that didn’t work too well — they were too shy and never expressed what they really wanted. But I don’t really know why I like Asian guys. They’re just hot!

    1. It’s difficult to explain attraction, is it? It’s like trying to describe why you prefer one ice cream flavor over another. It tastes good to you so that’s all that matters. So enjoy!

  8. I’m a white guy and never get any interest from Asian guys. I wonder if it’s different in this area.

    Or perhaps I’m ugly. I wish I had Asian friends though.

    1. I’m sure you’ll receive responses and invitations here just because you are honest and open. Those who don’t live near you can become pen pals. I’d like that.

      1. Hello again! It’d be nice to be your pen pal. Have you read the other replies and posts here? The variety and views are very interesting.

    2. And I am an Asian guy who really wants to have a white guy friend. I wonder why there is no white guy wants to talk to me.

      Or perhaps I am ugly. I wish I had white guy friends though.

  9. I dated myself a potato guy and had never regreted ever since. For sure at first we hooked up from an app, I was craving for his attention and drooling for him to say “I love you” while his mindset, we’re just a fwb.

    I grew him his feeling towards me stronger and stronger and in fact he feels something over me and until the day i said i dont want to lose him and he said the same thing too was one of the best day of my life.

    Everytime i told him, im just asian, i dont have great shape and i am probably not his type, he always responds: i love you just the way you are. I love you because youre smart, funny and a great companion.

    I also somehow agree with this post that some potatoes also look for other potatoes. Giving the fact when I traveled to Bali, while most of gay potatoes are online on Gr*ndr, i barely got a respond everytime i say hi to one of them.

    I am discreet and some says i am handsome. I never put my face on profile and i did when i was in bali, cruising. But yet, i got none.

    So building a relationship with a potato, you need to be slow and be patient. And be gentle to yourself.

  10. I respect the many views projected. Yet believe we have lost sight of a true lasting relationship. There are those who look for a better life either financially or sexually. Many times these are short term and have a tragic endings. Maybe I am of the old school where relationships are built on trust, where individuals have similar goals, when men are willing to share everyday experiences and men are emotional secure with their partner, family and themselves.

    We white guys should take lessons from our Asian brothers. Asians demonstrate their connection / relation to family, they are not afraid to share their emotions, they focus on success, take care of their bodies, and express beauty. Yes, there are those who are gold diggers just as there are white men who take advantage of their own race.

    Trust is so important yet many of us in a relationship continue to look for someone sexually more attractive…how sad.

  11. I agree with some of the points? I can see how it’s brought up but dissing facts about white guys doesn’t really make it any better.

    This article was basically dissing white guys and playing on stereotypes of both races. I am a gay Asian, I’m dating a white guy… because of his qualities, sure he looks good and is taller than me but if our lifestyles didn’t match nothing would work out.

    I guess where I’m disagreeing is why are we trying to tell Asians to stop dating their white boyfriends based on stereotypes?

    There is also a fine line between preference and stereoptypes.

    That’s my two sense: date who you want regardless of race and the rest well let’s sit back and let time tell td take

  12. No offence but what a bullshit post. You are subscribing to the fact that everyone sees race first. Contrary to your little world there are others who see people as humans first and if they are genuine good people or not regardless of white, black , Hispanic etc.
    I think what the writer needs to ask himself is where and why is there bitterness to one race. The ‘white,’ guys as you refer may not like you not because of the fact that your Asian but more for the fact of your negativity and personality traits….
    Don’t get me wrong I know there are prejudices against Asians as there are with any other race but articles like this just diminishes those who are in genuine loving relationships. What you need to ask yourself is if your past relationships failed, why? And not to absolve yourself by playing the I am Asian card and nobody likes me. Bs.

  13. Hey! It was interesting to read the article and comments on it!
    Yes – I am a potatoe myself (or milkbread as I call myself) and have experienced similar situations – I normally am easily attracted to white caucasian guys, but it happens also that I feel attracted to guys of other types… I know some Asian guys I’d really feel attracted to, but often tehre is a cultural barrier that makes it difficult to cross… I was making out with a guy from China for some time – and he was just awesome: Intelligent, humourous, we could talk for ages and laugh together and also we got along quite well in bed, but there were some borders we couldn’t get over together – some habits, manners, views on society etc… and in the end we collapsed in exhaustion to try to get to the others point and understand it. It is a single case and we didn’t manage, but I think that is a point that can play a role, too.
    And I think we all get manipulated by the media and surroundings… when growing up, we have movies, music, fotos, arts, etc. which from our picture of aesthetics, beauty, sexiness etc. I assume that Asians for example get lots more in touch with Western media, movies, etc that Europeans do – we know a few Hong Kong or Japan movies, but that’s it. And if we don’t get to know something different we might never feel attracted to it. That maybe explains the question why Australians might be easier attracted to Asians than other potatoes, because they;re jus much more connected to them in their daily lifes… but this is just a stand up theory by me, a guy who doesn’t know anything about the topic sceintifically… all the best to you guys!

    1. You’re absolutely right about that Richard.
      I never have problems in dating or just having white men a passing fancy. It’s the long term commitment I can’t tolerate. Being white literally is another culture.. lol They’re closed minded and they’re never susceptible to be more open to something that is not native to their culture. All Asians that I know that are partnered with these whities are basically Coconuts (brown outside, white on the inside). What Caucasians are trying to voice out indirectly is, if you’re not willing to blend in for me then it’s not gonna work.. Well touche! If you ain’t going to be an Egg (white outside, yellow inside) it ain’t gonna work with is either Hunny! We’re equally well educated and way more successful to be honest. In fact, White Americans use all things made in China. I’m saying, we’ll bend if you’re willing to bend for us. Love is possible in this kind of concept. Peace!

  14. I would like to know who write this article… Seem to be an asian who just get dumped by his potato partner… We all have a type… when i look at asian it is not only for his smooth skin, golden skin and beautiful eyes but he is also for le someone exotic, with a different culture to learn, differents tastes… Asians get old too and maybe not in the best way when white guys can become more charming getting old ( look at Georges Clooney). Whatever when love pass by just give it a chance whatever the guy is rice or potato.

    1. I would say that Asians age much better than white people, due to the higher level of neoteny (ability to retain youthful feautures). As per the article, you hear people underestimate the ages of Asians. Doesn’t quite happen the other way around.

  15. This is a highly cynical article full of generalizations and depressing analogies with very little evidence other than random examples for failed relationships which many, not just Asians, go through. I’d caution any younger gay Asian from quickly jumping to this as truth. Love and relationships and tricky and hard to maintain for anyone.
    Only those who are truly fortunate end up with a lasting and worthwhile relationship.

  16. I’m Asian. I’m a top. I’m hairy, tall, manly and definitely not submissive in nature. Apart from my skin colour and eye size I am, for all intensive purposes, a white-type-kinda guy (commonly referred to as a Banana – yellow on the outside and white on the in). I’m open to any race and believe selective preferences is the reason why we have conflict in this world.
    Very rarely do I attract a white guy though and I steer clear from any “Rice queens” because I don’t see myself attracted to someone that has such basic levels of desired features. But they do make great friends albeit just that.
    The hardest thing is finding an Asian guy that isn’t the same, someone that is “sticky rice” is just as bad as someone who is a “potato queen”. They just probably get more successful matches due to the statistics mentioned in the article.
    I guess what I’m saying is be open to any race and don’t discount someone based on what your eyes and your nurtured or conditioned mind tells you. And certainly don’t listen to Abercrombie and Fitch or you’ll be single forever.

  17. I found this page by accident. I am a white guy who has dated Asian and Latin Men. I do admit that as a white guy it is easier for me to get an educated Asian or Latin guy. I like smart guys in all races though. I even met an Indian guy on line. I flew from the USA to India. We traveled all over for 3 weeks and it was the best time. We are now married and very happy. I would never trade him for anything. I also find that having dated foreign guys I am better at understanding people with poor English skills. We are looking at starting a family through seragesy. So for me I wanted a guy that would be there always to raise a family. So for me I was after an even smaller dating pool. Mention children down the road and most gay me go running out the door. Then talk about classic cars, camping, Jukeboxes and even more run. I look at my husband as a great equal, with a heart of gold and the same values and likes as me. I did also go vegetarian for him as well. I know we will have the best family in the future. I also prefer the nerd type as well. I am a very traditional guy so Asian and Latin share more of my values. It is about looking. I remember going to gay groups like the Great Outdoors at 18 there would be 150 show up and i was looking for friends not dating at the time and out of all those people 2 became friends. SO out of 100 people 1 might be your friend and less than that a lover. You have to look at numbers the more you meet the better the chance to get or friend or even a lover.

  18. I stumbled across your post and found it to be very interesting as well. I am a potato myself, 46, 6’3″, 205#, and honestly do prefer Asian guys for some but not all the reasons you list, and you can’t classify everyone with general statistics. Though I do prefer the smooth smaller body, however I am more a submissive inside myself and love a dominant Asian man be it my age or a little younger. My last 2 BFs are Asian, but I didn’t leave them. The first just wanted different things in life (like partying all the time) the second I made the mistake of dating someone 12 years younger than me after 7 years he decided the age difference was just not working, and he wanted to move to Cali to take care of his mother. I am still good friends with them both. Ideally I am looking for an Asian guy to share my life with, to be able to share not as a trophy but as a soulmate. I do agree that looks have a lot to do with initially going out with someone, as love can not be instantaneous, but as love grows looks can fade and be overlooked for the soul and love inside! I just wanted you to know not all of us potatoes are shallow individuals! BottomPapi40@gmail.com

  19. I date white guys not for racial reasons but rather for cultural reasons. It’s easier for people to date within their culture. Even though I’m Asian, I never had Asian friends of my own. I grew up in a white neighborhood, went to a white school, and had white friends. I have more in common with them than I do with Asians. I’ve been around Asians before. They tend to only hang out with each other and have VASTLY different interests and values from mine. I date white guys because of familiarity.

    I’ve never had problems finding guys–it’s been several years and many boyfriends since I was last single (for 4 months). Be confident. Know what you want. Go after what you want. I think one of the biggest reasons why Asians can’t get the white guys is because they don’t try hard enough. Personality is a big issue too. I grew up “white” so I have a colorful and outgoing personality. The majority of the Asian guys who message me on grindr are dull and boring. They’re also quick to give up. I’m currently dating an white guy who’s been on the cover of a few magazines. We’ve been together for over 4 years and plan to marry. I go after what I want.

    1. That’s all well & good but you are missing the bigger point here. Gay Asian men want white men in larger part because of internalized racism & self-hatred. They all want pretty, blue-eyed white boys because they have decided that they feel that their own race is on the lowest end of the desirability scale–in other words, “ugly”. It’s so sad to see year after year, gay Asian men chasing after the elusive cute white boy. No one ever seems to call them out on their own self-hating racist behavior. It is quite sad & pathetic really.

      1. Self hating racist behavior huh.. Well, it may be true in some cases. But I agree with the ‘exotic’ theory. I mean, if there were elves, wouldn’t it be natural for a lot of people to feel curiosity and attraction towards them? Or avoidance because of cultural hurdles and fear of offending them. That doesn’t necessarily mean internalized racism. ‘\(*-* )/’

      2. This is bullshit. I am Asian and I think Asians are gorgeous. Cut your crap of lowest end of the desirability scale. Asians are humble , genuine and hot!

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    3. I’m both happy and envious for you. I, too, am an Asian living in Taiwan (ROC). Personally, I’m attracted to white men. I find them fairly irresistible: smooth blond hair, attractive eyes, thick eyebrows, tempting lips with sparkling, white teeth, muscular physiques, outgoing personality… They are just perfect.
      For some reason, I have never dated someone so far, and I’m 34. I used to think what’s inside mattered. Nonetheless, I was totally, absolutely wrong! I have spent countless Valentine’s Days with no one but myself, having pretneded that someone would see me as a guy with a brain or something and that I didn’t need love. Nevertheless, as I grew older, I found it entirely wrong. Deep in my heart, I yearned for love, and I think everyone craves for love.
      Right now, I presume I’m smitten with a man with two children, and I have a hunch that he, more or less, thinks I look more attractive than I used to be. I’m not so sure whether he is bisexual or not, and I have made an endeavor to give him the eye, but simultaneously I have felt guity. I don’t want to interfere with his marriage. However, I find this married man extra irresistible. He is like a model in Abercrombie and Fitch. He has features like a white man and I think he and I are compatible. We have had some pleasant chats. I have never felt this way before, and I haven’t slept well for nearly 3 months, having thought about him but having told myself not to do it again simultaneously. I feel so trapped.
      I’d like to know what’s the secret to winning a white man’s heart. Please tell me, Asian Alpha. Please! Please! I’m desperate to know, and I guess you must be very handsome.

      1. It’s the same secrete as me wining the heart of an Asian man! There is no real secret, unfortunately you like I are just taking longer to find the one we are truly compatible with. I love Asian guys myself and always long to find the right guy for a committed relationship, but for me too many just want to rush into marriage and after my past relationship I just want to date for an extended period of time and start with a monogamous relationship. Ideally we need someone to challenge us on a regular basis and support each other. I do wish you the best in your search for love and a real relationship! 🙂 and have faith the right guy is there somewhere! At least I’m hoping he is 🙂

        1. First of all, I’d like to thank you for comforting me; nevertheless, I do think there is a secret to winning over either Asians or white men’s heart. The secret, like what you had mentioned in previous comment, is likely to be appearance.
          The enchanting, irresistible married man I have enraptured with, for instance, failed to notice my presence until I have paid attention to my looks and commenced sprucing up myslef. Sigh! Men, compared with women, are nearly shallow. However, women, nowadays, have become shallower and shallower as well due to TV programs or something.
          Contemplating carefully, I can’t blame anyone. Who would have a desire to converse with or befriend someone with messy, oily hair, a face dotted with acne, yellow teeth with bad breath, attire that is way too loose or even with a hole on them even though he or she is affable, knowledgeable, and considerate?
          People, in my eyes, ought to reflect themselves just like I have done. I assume that I was hideous, not realizing the importance of appearance. Fortunately, having learned some lessons from my previous indelible, obnoxious experiences, I have commenced to pay attention to my looks, and some people, including the bewithching married man I have been smitten with, have said, “You’ve become handsome.” That, certainly, exhilarated me.
          Apart from looks, I think there must be something either Asians or white men are interested in. Personality, perhaps.
          It is sad that a person like me, 34 years of age, has not dated someone, and I have not known what it is like to be in love even if two or three girls liked me in my school days. Nonetheless, I kind of turned them down, not feeling like being in love so urgently.
          As time ticks away, I have yearned for love and have been desperate to find someone I’d like to have a relationship with, to have a family, and to have children. I am very, very desperate.
          You are definitely an exceedingly good man, Larry. Thanks again for those comforting words. By the way, could you give me some suggestion on what I should do to the married, male model-like man I have been enraptured with? Should I let him go or should I … Is there any method to tell whether a man is homosexual or bisexual or not? How do I know if a man likes you? I have heard that some straight men fall in love with a homosexual. Is it possible? How? Thanks again!

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