I’m a homosexual. And I’m angry. I’m so sick of homosexual life that I had to write this blog to vent my anger.

48 thoughts on “About

  1. https://www.facebook.com/events/1622560387975052/

    For those in the Toronto, ON, Canada area there is an upcoming event for gay Asian men to finally have the discussion such as the provocative articles of this wonderful blog! You are not alone anymore!

    SLAM! (Sex. Love. Asian Men!) is an interactive learning forum on sex, health, lifestyle and everything in between for and by Gay/Bi/Trans/Queer/Questioning Asian men.

    Date: Saturday, April 25
    Time: 10:00am-6:00pm
    Location: Society of Friends House (60 Lowther Ave.)

    ***This event is FREE. Lunch will be provided. Please advise of any food allergies or diet restrictions***

    As Asian men, we were brought up with distinct cultural values and beliefs that inform and guide our lives when it comes to talking about sex and sexual health. In a world filled with complex issues and conflicting messages, many of us receive information based on rumour and inaccurate perspectives. As a result, we may act on or make decisions that may lead to negative consequences.

    This interactive forum is designed to address some of the issues facing Asian gay and bi men in a fun and safe environment. It will be a great opportunity to discuss and share our experiences, skills and knowledge with our peers of all orientations in the spirit of mutual friendship. By exploring holistic and empowering approaches to our health (physical, emotional, sexual), lifestyles and identities, we as Asian men will be able to reaffirm our place in society.

  2. I am a Chinese software engineer in SF. I like how you describe the reality in the most honest way. There is a lot more about life than sex and dating. I think when we feel victimized by the stark dating options for gay Asian men, let’s not forget there there are a lot more people in this world who do not judge us by our race, age or physical appearance. Let’s embrace those people and leave the rest behind. Life is too short. PS: I want to be your friend because I think you write really well and you speak for a lot of us. Send me an email 🙂

  3. It’s been too long since your last post. Looking forward to the next one. You really do offer something unique that no one else is doing.

  4. I’d like to read more…..Always interest about your writing…. please put more for us soooooon (It’ll be good if often!)

  5. I’ve just been trawling through the responses to your posts and I am so impressed by the depth and insight, vitriolic or not, your posts have generated. There is certainly a lot of frustration and anger in the community about these issues, and there are a lot of well- educated English-speaking Asians brought up in the West like myself who crave a space to vent and connect with others.
    Might I suggest creating some sort of closed group (eg on facebook) where like-minded sticky Asians can, through your website, connect with others all around the world, without having to deal with rice or potato queens? After all, at the end of the day, the reason we are all online is to meet others, expand friendships and maybe find love along the way, without all the riff raff.
    Let me know, cheers

    1. How about like a gay Asian consciousness raising group? We can discuss anti-racist theories, feminist theories….share articles about such topics and occasionally vent about our experiences with intersectionality?

  6. Oh, and I agree with your views on HBO’s Looking. It reminds me of Friends being based in New York City, but all vanilla.

  7. As black gay man, I overstand being angry and there is nothing wrong with being angry. The problem is “staying in anger”. That can lead to bitterness and bitterness can lead to depression. All, which is not good. Yes, much of the “lifestyle” is a hot mess. Continue to vent on this blog but accept the “lifestyle” as it is – a hot mess. Also, I like Asian men, but they seem more into white guys – in which your blog very much proves my perception to be true. Its sad, but it’s truth that must not be denied so as the deep analysis and reflection can occur.

  8. just want to express how wonderful your blog is. i am too very angry for the same reasons u r but never had mustered enough energy to commit my random thoughts to a blog for the world to learn. and you have done such a good job, using scientific ways to quantify and qualify the points you intend to prove. but above all, i applaud you for unreservedly and unapologetically declaring you anger, against many pernicious conditions that our sort must bear yet scorned at for a mere mention, and for equally unflinchingly pointing out that the same racist malaise plagues those who claim to be victims of racism. but of course that leaves only one thing unmentioned – is there not hope at all? what is the solace to the very likelihood of a lonely solitary life? i find anger being expressed aside, one is also in need of an expedient remedy.

  9. I remember my first “gay experience” back in 2000 when MSN still had chat rooms when I was 18 years old. I was very shocked and surprised by the racism I received. I was naive to believe racism wasn’t as bad as I thought. Many users seemed very sarcastic in their tone towards me or simply ignored me. It hurt because a white person I would private chat with in an another window would say “isn’t this chat room so great? It’s like a community.” A person with white privilege had no idea how isolated I automatically was just for writing “Asian” on my profile. I was not a part of this community. One time a white person thought I was funny and said he liked my personality. Then came the dreaded exchange of pictures. When I sent him mine he asked me to delete his pictures he sent to me and delete his email address too. I guess I should have learned photoshop so I could edit out my three heads. Of course, I knew then I was being treated badly because I was Asian not because I had three heads and one of them looked like an Asian Carrie Bradshaw. So I catfished for the first time-without pictures. I simply removed my “Asian” identity from my profile and low and behold I got twice as many replies in the chat room. I tried “Caucasian” in my profile and the responses tripled. I’m so deeply hurt how strong racism persists today. It’s a world of full of hatred that drives some people to have to be deceitful online just to be treated as a decent human being.

  10. Hi, I’m a radio producer covering queer sexuality and queer people of color issues for public radio and independent podcasts. I’m really interested in interviewing you. Please let me know what the best way to contact you is, if this is of interest. Best.

  11. i think your posts are funny. So much truth enriched with so much humour. Good to make people think about these issues however true it is for them. Very similar sub cultures in Australia too, but of course a lot of it is broad generalisations ( but funny) . In ltr with white man but have been with rq and non rq partners. The fact that some people react strongly shows its hitting a raw nerve, so well done!

  12. God, I love this site! I’m not Asian (and not white either) but I’ve observed Asian guys falling all over one another to pursue some shriveled white guy who isn’t worthy in any way. Disgusting! Same with some Black guys (we call them Snow Queens) who fall over themselves for anyone white.

    Back to Asians: I know a great Asian guy works 2 or more jobs. Literally, he works all the time: nights, weekends & holidays. Why? So that he can support his 50-ish oaf of a partner who hasn’t held a job in at least 5 years since they’ve been together. Every time I see the older white partner he’s put on more weight! I guess it’s easy when you’re home all day watching daytime television and just waiting for your hardworking partner to bring home the bacon when he gets home after 11pm.

    By the way, the Asian guy makes no bones about despising other Asians as boyfriends or partners. Go figure.

    Don’t get me wrong, I know that “colors” don’t fall in love — people do. But when someone of color follows or falls ONLY for white guys, I’m uneasy.

    I dunno what can be done about any of this self-hate, except to call it out when it’s observed.

    That’s what this great new website is doing – and I’m on board!

    1. Have you read Frank H. Wu’s Yellow: Race in America Beyond Black and White? It makes an interesting chapter about the power of coalitions. Many of us who have experienced the forms of oppression I think can gain strength in unity. Fait l’union fait la force! N’est-ce pas?

  13. loved most of ur posts as I’m a cynic, all the relentless exploitation of gay lifestyle’s contradictions and hypocrisy. however, I see something a true cynic would love to see, self mocking that is. how about a post on, reasons not to date gaysians? that’ll be a potent one. that’ll underscore some of the more painful issues – sure potatoes don’t want u – it’s less of a deal if u r accepted by ur own kind. just saying the victims r not blameless. they r just as bigoted as the accused. they need some shaming too!

  14. Thank you for being brave and being honest with your experience. Racism from an Asian perspective in North America is rarely spoken about and Frank H. Wu author of Yellow: Race in America beyond Black and White seems to be the only spokesperson the Asian community has when it comes to cultural criticism right now. The Asian community needs more dialogue and discussion in the public sphere about their sociological and personal experiences with racism and also sexism. I agree with Nicki Minaj! (Never thought I’d say that). As an Asian gay man myself my experiences with race sometimes conflicts with being gay because I have allies from one group but turn out to hate the other! The Black community has it’s group of intellectuals like bell hooks, Angela Davis, Melissa Harris-Perry, Alice Walker and Patricia Williams. The Black community has at least been given a mark in modern American history with intellectual icons, such as, Malcom X and Martin Luther King Jr. The Asian community needs help catching up! I support your website and your works! Maybe soon we will see some inspired Asian American and Asian Canadian minds out there who will contribute to progressing the fight against oppression! Racism from an Asian perspective is rarely spoken about-even less is the experience of being gay and Asian and American.

  15. BTW, fuck the haters! Haters gonna hate and some people who have lived under the subjugation hegemony will refuse to experience the pain of cognitive dissonance.

  16. To the author of this website, who ever you are, I support your website and I want to let you know I have personally experienced the racism you talk about in your blog. I think the discussion of racism from an Asian perspective is important because it’s a conversation that almost never happens. I’m an Asian man and my real name is not Nicki Minaj for the basics out there. I can vouch for the experiences the author has vented and ranted and even analysed in his posts and articles. I especially have done the same thing and catfished and did the same thing as in the article, “The Asian vs White Grindr experiment: Why it’s great to be White!” White people only respond to white people in the space of sexual pleasure and refuse to interact with ethnic minorities unless it’s their fetish. Sexual pleasure and pleasure at a large I think is a space rarely dissected and analysed. People rarely stop and think if there is a social cause for what they desire and rarely want to face the hegemony of imperialist white capitalist patriarchy supremacy as bell hooks would say. This power of hegemony is why Asians also don’t find other Asians attractive and systematically en mass find only white men attractive. I think the ideas and anger you present is important and must be heard! As a gay, Asian, man myself I have been surprised and disappointed that people do not want to accept intersectionality as a unifying common ground. Many people I’ve encountered who I thought were allies in the struggle against racism turned out to be very homophobic!

  17. I find most of your blog to be very close minded, stereotypical, racist and ignorant. American culture is not the “white culture” you speak of and racism is encouraged by posting about how the pigment of your skin makes you any more or less of a human than an other. I’m sorry your’e angry but spreading love is the only solution despite the actions of another.

  18. As many have said, if you’ve not lived and observed gay culture outside of western countries you should go for an extended stay in China, Japan or somewhere else. You will find that in most places well over 50% of guys want to be with their own type. In Beijing the PQs, all 30 of them, had messaged me within 5 days of me changing my profile over. I chatted with as many Chinese as i could and could speak english. White guys were just so outside their experience that at best they wanted to see what my cock was like (having blonde pubes was a novelty to them).

    I first dated a chinese after a particularly bad blow job by a white guy when i was 26. I’ve been interested in how our two cultures function and the variations. I went to live there so i could understand more. Now i’m 49, your older ‘daddy’ figure. In China i found that young guys like to meet me. They were interested in me as a teacher, of culture, of sex, of life. There would be little hope of any of the relationships lasting a long time past a close friendship. In China the men over 35 are married with child.

    A few comments from someone who has watched the Sydney gay scene and done a masters dealing with Chinese understanding of masculinity and identity/gender studies. The Asian guys who make their way to Australia, often do so because they want a white bf, one like on the media they consume. They don’t like guys like themselves as they do not appear in the media they like. This started to change in 2000 when parents in South East Asia started sending their Children to Australia and other places, when the child had no sexual interest in white guys. In China white guys are the bad guys on TV (i’ve played one or two). the basic plot of an American action film is, i’m a whimp, but an American whimp, so i need to man up and save the world, which i do, oh and i save the poor Australians and asian too… We don’t see the Chinese media figures and because of our difference in understanding of what it is to be ‘man’ we would not be over impressed. (western masculinity is based around the warrior type, Chinese is around the scholar)

    The dedicated PQs message the white guys. oh on grindr they pound the profiles of cute white guys, having consumed so much western media. These PQs tell the white guys they are not attracted to Asian guys. The white guy surmises that even Asian guys are not into other Asian guys (how many times did it get told that ‘i wouldn’t have sex if the last guy on earth was asian’.) In part this is places the Asian guy at the bottom of the pile. If you are not into your own then you are saying you are not attractive. So the asian guys have over the last 14 years spent more time in gym to get the body that they expect to give them a ticket to the white guys… but the white guys are only behaving like the asian guys in Asia… not different.. .as hot guys in Singapore or Hong Kong will only date other local hot guys of their ethnicity… so do the white guys in the USA and Australia.

    As for my self. I have promoted Asia guys, African, and guys from everywhere as equal in my Art work. In 2000 mardi gras (when i as much younger) our show was one of the head line arts shows was about relationships and putting everyone on the same playing field, despite ethnicity or ability or age. In 2002 at gaygames we did an exhibition about men’s bodies and sport, again without a mix of ethnicity body types and ages. After that i took some time off as the racism of the Asian gay guys got to me. I found myself in conversations with them, where they complained about the racism of white guys towards them while telling me they are only attracted to white guys…

    1. “I found myself in conversations with them, where they complained about the racism of white guys towards them while telling me they are only attracted to white guys…”

      How can move toward consciousness raising when Asian, gay, men can’t first love themselves to know they are licking the feet of the white men who oppress them? It’s almost masochistic…..

  19. I find your blog posts really offensive and feel sad that you feel you have to anonymously post to a blog to vent your anger and spread hatred that perpetuates the stereotypes and negativity that you talk about.

    Why don’t you stop complaining about how others choose to live their lives and start focusing on getting some self-esteem and start accepting yourself in this world. Life is too fucking short to spend so much time worrying about this shit.

    Grow the fuck up.

  20. Dude, I’m a gay asian american and I’m loving your identity politics and posts. I can really identify with your venting and frustrations. E-mail me when you get a chance, I have some questions I would like to ask you further about your opinions and experiences. and keep on writing! you rock.

  21. Love your blog. Full of humour, common sense, joie de vivre, blazing saddles and more besides.
    On reading, I felt like I was being hugged by a proud, protective mother tiger.
    Truly serendipitous to bump into your wonderful and creative world, all the more coz I was googling for white guy love.
    Keep growling, purring and having your tummy rubbed in the sunshine!

  22. Hello, just read your post “5 Reasons Gay Asians Should Give Up Potatoes”. It was so fun and so true. Well done. I would like to reproduce it on my blog (some kind of French Asian queer pop stuff), if you’re ok. Anyway, keep it angry 😉

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