Creepy old guys dating young guys is a very common phenomena in the gay world. While no one knows exactly how common it is, it seems like every third couple you see on the street is age mismatched to a visible degree.
Probably because there’s a dearth of date-able gay guys out there, some young guys fall prey to an older gay guy who, because he’s more experienced, works his charms on the younger guy to the point where both parties think they’re in a real, committed relationship.
It’s a symbiotic relationship whereby the young guy gets emotional support and stability that’s almost impossible to find in other young gay guys, and the older guy gets a younger, sexier partner he can wear like a trophy.
Despite the fact that things may look alright on the surface, this is a extraordinarily screwed up situation, and I speak from experience. You see, the reason why such relationships form in the first place is that both parties are clinging to each other like life preservers.
The older guy, being of an age where his youthful looks have faded (if he ever had them in the first place) and is therefore no longer sellable, has few alternatives – he will take just about any young guy emotionally stable enough to hold a conversation and at least slightly-below-average looks.
The young guy, emotionally exhausted after suffering umpteen failed relationship-attempts with deadbeat guys who can’t commit to brushing their teeth every morning, much less stay monogamous for longer than 48 hours, is quite relieved to find a stable, older man who is not only willing to be faithful but practically worships him.
All is fine and dandy, except that both parties are deluding themselves, and sooner or later one of the two will pull their heads out of the sand (generally the younger guy, who has way more options) and the whole thing will fall apart.
The younger guy doesn’t truly want an creepy older man (who could be his father) as a boyfriend or partner. Not by a long shot. He’s clinging to papa because he’s frustrated and emotionally bruised, and papa offers safety and comfort. The gay dating world can be horrifically harsh. Everyone seems to be in it for themselves. A lot of younger guys have no money because they’re working at Starbucks and/or studying some dead-end major in college. The ones who have two dimes to rub together are often cocky and overly career-focused, perhaps to compensate for their broken childhoods or just the shame of being homosexual.
Older men are generally financially stable. They offer a mature emotional perspective and having been through the struggles of being a young homosexual, can offer guidance to a young gay man that no one else can. It also doesn’t hurt that they’re willing to foot the bill for nice dinners, opera tickets, and vacations to Europe.
Both parties feel insecure with the arrangement. The younger guy is worried that the older guy will replace him with a younger model, particularly as time passes. The richer the older guy, the more vulnerable is the younger guy to replacement.
The older guy is worried that the younger guy is totally out of his league in terms of looks and youthfulness, and might one day will want to date someone his own age, not his father’s.
All this, of course, is in addition to the obvious logistical problems of age mismatched dating. Both will be at different stages in their careers. The younger guy is probably going to have more energy and better health. The older guy may be completely un-presentable to the younger guy’s parents. And supposing the relationship lasts, what is the younger guy left with when he’s barely 50 years old, with potentially many years left to go, and the older guy is dead? [CORRECTION: his pension, perhaps]
And when the whole house of cards falls apart (and I’m willing to bet that it will), both parties are going to be angry homosexuals. The older guy will feel abandoned and mistreated, and the younger guy will wonder why he wasted months or even years of his youth dating papa. At least that’s the experience of yours truly.
The solution, of course, is age-appropriate dating. Yes, most guys out there are bastards. Only a small percentage are dateable. But let’s face it – there *are* good guys out there your own age. You just need to persist until you find one. Don’t waste your time and your youth. You only live once, so date a hot, young guy your own age before you turn into papa.