Some people have interpreted my recent posts on rice queens as being too harsh.
I’ll paraphrase one particularly poignant comment that made me think:
How dare you say that rice queens “don’t care about you”? My love of younger Asian guys is a kind of orientation, just like being gay in the first place. I don’t have any control over who I’m attracted to. And I deeply care about and love the young Asian guy I’m with. I would never “trade him in for a younger model.”
I don’t doubt that rice queens can and do care deeply about the Asians they’re with. There are many kinds of “orientations” or fetishes that seldom draw much scrutiny, like straight men who only date blonde women who are younger and shorter than them. No one accuses them of not caring about their blonde women. Yet it’s just as targeted as the fetish rice queens have for younger Asians – racially, physically, and age-wise.
Besides, the elephant in the room is the fetish that gay white men have for each other, which we rarely think of as a problem.
So why should I give rice queens such a hard time?
It’s not that I don’t think rice queens should be allowed to have their fetish. My libertarian side believes that everyone has a right to have whatever fetishes they want, even if they creep me out.
What bothers me is the perverse power dynamic that lets rice queens exploit their position for immense pleasure at the expense of gay Asians.
I happen to know the man who made the comment at the beginning of this post. He’s a fifty-something white man who complained of being rejected by an Asian man in his twenties. The fact that he even has a realistic chance with Asians less than half his age is a result of this power dynamic. Despite his claims of ignorance, he’s reaped huge benefits from from this dynamic – he’s been with several twenty-something gay Asians, the latest defeat being but a brief interruption in an otherwise enviable hitting streak.
What’s behind this power dynamic in the Asian-white dating market? Supply and demand, of course!
- Gay Asians love white men. Lots of supply. Only 12% of gay Asians would only date another gay Asian – the overwhelming majority are open to dating white guys.
- White men prefer to date each other. Low demand for Asians. No other race comes close to white men in how much like they to date each other – 43% of white men would only date another white man.
What this means is that there’s vast pool of gay Asian men chasing a relatively small number of white men willing to date them. Gay Asians reply to white men 55% of the time, compared to 35% for the other way around.
This phenomenon is especially pronounced in cities like San Francisco where there’s a high proportion of Asians. San Francisco is a rice queen’s paradise.
In any relationship, the party with more choices holds most of the power, and an attractive gay white man has far more choices than a similarly endowed gay Asian.
Rice queens can and do exploit this advantage to no end. Obviously, the exact degree of power enjoyed by a rice queen varies based on the situation. A relatively unattractive rice queen could land in a city like Taipei without any plans or even a hotel reservation and expect to be treated like a king. In such a situation, it would be hard for the rice queen not be a jerk. With so many prospects out there, why should he put up with the slightest physical or personality defect?
Rice queens outside of Asia need to be of a much higher standard to engage in such behavior. Yet they generally still enjoy a much higher degree of power in their relationships than their age and attractiveness would otherwise command.
This dynamic can be harmful to both rice queens and gay Asians. Rice queens, at least during their prime dating years, have a hard time settling down because they have too many suitors to choose from. Potato queens have a hard time keeping rice queens in their clutches. Non-potato queen gay Asians suffer too, as most other gay Asians are too busy pursuing white men to notice them.
In the end, the market settles into a sort of equilibrium where a given rice queen can score a gay Asian significantly younger and/or more attractive than himself. One might say that gay Asians sell at a very heavy “discount.” Such is the way the market works.
Rice queens enjoy out-sized dividends as a result of being born white and being open to eating rice. I have nothing against rice queens. If anything, the world needs more of them to satiate the throngs of potato queens out there.
The gay Asian dating market is screwed up. Until such time as gay white men fall in love with Asians en masse, or gay Asians snap out of their collective potato obsession, rice queens will rule the Gaysian dating world.
101 thoughts on “Supply and Demand: Why Rice Queens rule the Gaysian World”
So it turns out many rice queens are actually born black or Hispanic, et cetera.
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Hi, lets be friend add my Fb n Ig : HarryChaiAustralia
I’m a white male, reasonably attractive and successful, living in South Bay and visiting SF quite often. I’m interested in meeting another guy for a long term relationship. I’m very open to meeting an Asian man, yet from what I’ve observed, most of the Asian men are “sticky” in SF.
Maybe we’re just looking on different scenes, or this post is outdated, but clearly there is a difference in our experience.
I appreciate your insight on power dynamic, it reminds me of a documentary called Rice and Potatoes from late 90s, in which one of the interviewees explains the “potato queen” phenomenon by associating power dynamic with media representation.
However, I cannot agree with the latter half of article which actually left me very confused. For example, the statement, “Non-potato queen gay Asians suffer too, as most other gay Asians are too busy pursuing white men to notice them”, doesn’t make sense. What about the other races and ethnicity? I feel like there is an explanation missing somewhere
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I’m a 53yo white gay white male who has dated white, black, Latino and Asian guys but love Asian guys best and have dated them exclusively – with few exceptions for the last 18 years.
I agree with nearly everything you said but it doesn’t apply to me. I’ve never exploited a dating relationship until perhaps now – perhaps.
I’m unusually attractive at 6’4″ with great skin, big blue eyes, full dark brown hair – though it’s thinned a little in the fron in the last three years it’s still quite thick and I plan to get a transplant if I lose much more. Even Asians compliment me on my skin. My whole family ages very slowly. We all look 10 years younger at 40 and as we mature the age gap grows so that people think I’m late thirties at age 53.
I work out and take very good care of my body. But where men often age in the skin on their necks or hands or face my skin is flawless. No wrinkles, few lines anywhere unless I smile and I have a few around my eyes, no age spots, no sagging skin though my ass isn’t as firm as it was at age forty. My body and looks were hottest at age 35 to 48. It was only in the last few years that I’ve had some minor hair loss, and my ass is not as hard and firm but by no means saggy – my mother, father brothers and sister have all aged similar to me though I’ve aged best because I stopped drinking at 30 and never partied, never smoked, liked the sun but would not let myself get sun burned – just some color. I also eat very health fully and take large amounts of vitamin supplements since age 18 when I read the book Life Extensions.
While I e nearly dated Asians exclusively for 20 years I have not been exploitative. Yes I like naturally smooth guys with hot smooth bubbled asses I’m strictly monogamous and this is what drew me to Asian guys in the first place. They often come from cultures that vallue love, honesty, monogamy which is in great short supply among many gay white men and others who are not Asian.
I don’t think anyone has ever cheated on me but I could be mistaken but not naive. Almost all my boyfriend have been 5 years of less younger than me but my current boyfriend of 3 years who lives in Beijing and whom I plan to marry is 18 years younger than myself. He’s 35 but looks mid to late twenties. I look late thirties early forties and though I’ve worked in banking I’ve been asked to model all my life and my present boyfriend is a very successful art director who owns his own company and has asked me to step in and model a few times but it’s just far out of my comfort zone.
I have met nearly all my boyfriend of the last 23 years online and my profile is very accurate but it always states that I’m looking for a strictly monogamous relationship with and Asian guy who is willing to a swap face and nude body pics and if we find eachother attractive is also willing to write or face chat at length to get to know eachother to ensure we are compatible emotionally and sexually. I’m a total top and I’m not hung nor am I small. I’m average but a bit thicker than most.
So we talk and if it works out we meet and if things go well have sex at some point but I’m always never in a rush to bed anyone. I’m more concerned about quality and romance and building a sensual romantic relationship from the start than getting laid. I can get laid anytime I wast and did all through my twenties and ended up with my fair share of crabs, chlymidia, scabies, a urinary tract infection, gonorhea but nothing life threatening or permanent.
I was living in NYC at age 22 and was like a kid in a candy store. I kept a journal of every sexual encounter. And averaged 2.75 different guys a month for nearly eight years and gave it up at 30 to start dating monogamously.
I had mostly serious relationships since then, but in between these relationships I often checked in with guys I knew and had the hots for earlier and so we hung out for a few weeks in between more serious relationships.
My present boyfriend and I have been together 3 years and while he is 18 years younger he usually dated other Asian guys not preferring white guys until we met on Manhunt. I was 49 saying I was 35 and his profile said he was 25 which is too young for me. I like guys who have their shit together and have had their hearts broken and know what love is and will hold out for the right guy.
His pics were so adorable I was smitten but he was much too young. I told him that I thought he was adorable but I could never date someone under 30 preferably 35 to 40 range. It was then that he admitted he was 32. It’s not at all for a Chinese to be 32 and look 25 and sometimes in the right light he looks too too young for me. I appreciate youth but I need a man with a mature mind to fall in love. Preferably an artist or professional or businessowner.
I think he’s adorable and sexy and he makes me laugh and takes the rough edges off me. Calms me down. Makes me a better version of myself and he says I do the same for him. I’ve never looked at another guy. I love him and want to marry him, create a family with a few dogs, bunnies, chickens and three or four children
I have met some rice queens – usually previous boyfriends to the guys I’ve dated – and I have nothing in common with most of them. I feel that they are predatory. I know I’m the exception not the rule and that’s unfortunate because so many white guys complain about their white lovers cheating. I have found Asian culture to be more traditional and loyalty has value in their culture so I think white guys should consider all tyoes black, Latino, Asian etc…
I’m very happy with my life and it has a lot to do with building the relationship with my lover. He’s everything I could ask for and so much more.
Good luck to those still searching. If you value loyalty and monogamy say so and only date guys who are likeminded.
I’m a 38yo wite guy from Northern Europe. I’m tall, muscular and look 10 years younger. I’m very much into 30+ hot Asian guys. Not just bottom but anything goes, I’m fully versatile. What would be a respectful and polite way of telling my preference (e.g. in Grindr profile) without sounding like a rice queen?
Write as you did….as sincere man may find his true love.
Hello William. May I get to know you? Haha… am allowing the article to manifest. *guilty*
Sure, e-mail me firstname.lastname@example.org
Hi, lets be friend add my Fb n Ig : HarryChaiAustralia
In that case, forget about your Grindr profile and let’s get married! *wink*
Which rice queen are you talking about?? An old filthy sugar daddy who owned luxury mansions in LA, Dubai, Paris and London.. Including few private jet? Oh yes baby, bring him on please!!! :))
The way I see it, it’s up to non white races to stop treating the white one as the most supreme and most desirable one. I know it’s hard with the media spotlight being focused on white men – but ultimately i think this is the root cause of the issue. Rice queen/potato queen dynamics are just symptoms.
– Middle Eastern Rice Queen
Foo Bar, I’d give you a big thumbs up if the comment section has this function.
This is exactly why white men have so many dating “privileges” in East Asia as mentioned in the article: because we allow it and even encourage it to happen. I can only speak from a Chinese-Canadian perspective. If you look at Chinese language talk shows from China and Taiwan that features an allegedly international casts, they are usually predominately white. These shows often emphasize how the white casts reflect classiness, styles, success, and beauty, while similar remarks are less common to be said to casts of other racial backgrounds, and the representations of other non-white and non-East-and-Southeast-Asian people are already very rare on screen.
I have so many things want to say about this situation , but I don’t think I can ever stop. Anyway, I think we have contributed greatly to our own oppression.
I took offense that an interest, appreciation and knowledgeable of Asian cultrues is a bad “”rice queen ” thing. from studying martial arts I became interested in East Asian cultrues and my book case contains many asian writers and books. It is also includes much German literature, history and culture. I ‘m not german and have only found an interest in Germany.
emmm, your right about the “supply and demand ” of the meat market. But is that the fault of the “rice queen”? Pretty white guys “playing the market ” is common. I ‘ve also heard of black women complaining that blackman will hook up with fat ulgly white women just because the women is black. However, you gonna denigrate all black male /white women relationships?
bullshit. Your website is telling people not to love their authentic selves ..
we are all unique , we can’t let race define us since we already cross the gender line